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Band 5

Students should pay for their study in university as it benefits individual not whole society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#students #study #university #society
Some people say that undergraduates should pay all
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 for their
university
 education because society’s benefits
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 less than
individuals
Correct your spelling
individual
show examples
 ones. I personally partly agree with
this
 statement. I will prove my point of view in
this
 essay. On the one hand,
Students
 have more responsibilities for their studying if they have to spend
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 school tuition. The financial burden from school always exists, so the undergraduates have
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
show examples
 to
be focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
As
Change preposition
By
show examples
 concentrating on
university
 education,
students
 get more
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 which is essential for their future and the learning quality is raised by themselves.
As a result
, they can contribute much more benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society after graduation.
On the other hand
, the government should have scholarships for
students
 who seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial aid. Some
students
 who are in need of
grant
Fix the agreement mistake
grants
show examples
 lack the condition
going
Change preposition
of going
show examples
 to
university
 if they have to pay
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
 cost for studying. These people can be overqualified with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 talent, but they don’t continue their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
since
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 the financial burden. So obviously, our country will
lost
Change the form of the verb
lose
show examples
 talented individuals who can create lots of good
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
 in the future.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, The scholarships can help them to get a good education to develop their capacity. Universities can make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entrance exam to check each own talent to decide the scholarship for
students
. In conclusion, the
university
 fee should be continued to
pay
Wrong verb form
be paid
show examples
 by the government.
However
, the government only give studying
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 under scholarship
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
 for the real
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
students
 who are going to build our country.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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Essay Structure
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Grammar and Accuracy
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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