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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012

The graph below shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012
#boys #girls #sport #english #town
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The bar chart illustrates how many children, divided by gender, took part in various
sports
Use synonyms
 in a town in England in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that boys’ participation was more than that of
girls
Use synonyms
 except for badminton and swimming.
Additionally
Linking Words
, football was the most popular
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
 with boys
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 were more keen on swimming. Looking
ai
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
 the details, hockey was at the bottom of both groups. The rate of
girls
Use synonyms
 who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
joined
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 sport was almost 10% and
this
Linking Words
 figure for boys was higher,
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 16%. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regard to female participants, swimming was their top-choice sport, accounting for 50%.The second place was occupied by badminton,
this
Linking Words
 made up 10%. The data for tennis was lower compared to
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 previous
sports
Use synonyms
, at about 35%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of
girls
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 played cycling and football was the same. Football constituted a
highest
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 number of male members than other
sports
Use synonyms
, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rate of 60%. There was a decline in the percentage of tennis and swimming, which is at 50% and 41%, respectively.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, boys were not fond of cycling and badminton;
therefore
Linking Words
 the rate went down slightly.
Submitted by nhamthuyhangnth on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, girls with synonyms.
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