IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The government intends to ban smoking in public areas. Some people say that it is a good idea, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#government #ban #areas #people #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, smoking is a perilous habit and its dangers are not limited to the consumers alone when inhaled around other non-smokers.
This
Linking Words
 is why governments are planning to prohibit smoking in public areas. Whilst some individuals validate that a
ban
Use synonyms
 is a pragmatic solution, others share a contrary opinion. It is my contention that
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with the notion of imposing a potential
ban
Use synonyms
 on smoking cigarettes in public, governments should display extra efforts to execute
this
Linking Words
 law to protect non-consumers. First and foremost, as governments gain more understanding of the dangers of smoking, they have tried numerous measures to discourage users from smoking in public. I think smoking cigarettes in a public area is a selfish act because you are not only damaging yourself, but its implications go beyond you to the
people
Use synonyms
 surrounding you.
For example
Linking Words
, inhibiting smokers in public areas
such
Linking Words
 as transportation, parks and open markets will create more spacious environments for everyone to indulge in. One way to maintain
such
Linking Words
 a
ban
Use synonyms
 would be by imposing expensive fines on the
people
Use synonyms
 who disregard our laws.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if these over-the-roof fines seem to be failing, potential detention can be implemented.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a few individuals seem to be dissatisfied with the government's proposal to
ban
Use synonyms
 smoking in public areas. Practically, exerting
such
Linking Words
 laws or prohibitions might be futile efforts
this
Linking Words
 intent is not initiated by conscious minds. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
 statement, cigarette addicts do not seem to fathom the value of their health and punishing them to cease smoking in public signifies one thing, turning a blind eye to these penalties. In conclusion, despite there
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a minority of
people
Use synonyms
 who claim that putting a
ban
Use synonyms
 in place is useless, I think differently as laws should be in place to keep smokers accountable if they ever commit these activities in public places.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve your task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While your essay provides a clear stance and discusses both views, incorporating more specific examples and elaborating on how these bans could be more effectively implemented or resisted could enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a good logical structure. To enhance it, consider linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs with transitional phrases. Additionally, varying your sentence structures could make your arguments more compelling and easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: