In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In some states, there is an increasing trend within the young generation that prefers to attend vocational training rather than
entering
university. I think Wrong verb form
enter
this
trends'
advantages are more outweigh than disadvantages because Change noun form
trend's
this
kind of trainings
cost-effective than universities, and it saves time.
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
Firstly
, attending vocational trainings'
Change noun form
trainings
cost
would be cheaper than Fix the agreement mistake
costs
fees
Correct article usage
the fees
of
universities, Change preposition
at
therefore
, it is cost-effective for youths. Especially, adolescences
who do not have enough money for Replace the word
Adolescents
university
Add an article
a university
degree
is better Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
to go
vocational courses because some of Change preposition
off going
trendy
majors' Add an article
the trendy
trainings
are offered Change the wording
training
pieces of training
by
free or cheaper than universities. Change preposition
for
Therefore
, it is great
chance to be prepared as a skilled worker. Add an article
a great
For instance
, in Mongolia, construction workers are trained by free in Builders college
of Mongolia.
Another advantage is that Capitalize word
College
its
saves time because most colleges usually offer semesters which means usually the duration years. Change the pronoun
it
As a result
, youth can hold professional certificate
shortly and reach their financial independence. Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
For example
, my one of friend is living in good condition compared to others because she started her own salon after her graduation of
Change preposition
from
hair-dressing
course Correct article usage
a hair-dressing
while
others were still going to their university.
On the other hand
, there is
might be some drawbacks Unnecessary verb
apply
such
as low demands of job positions and low-reputation
. Correct your spelling
low reputation
However
, as long as skilled
person can tackle these perspectives without suffering. Their skill and qualities will be their indicator of success, Add an article
a skilled
the skilled
therefore
, doing on
Change preposition
apply
the
work-based training is more valuable than academic Correct article usage
apply
pursue
.
Replace the word
pursuit
To conclude
, there should not be Add an article
a judge
the judge
judge
on youngsters who want to be skilled workers Replace the word
judgment
instead
of achieving academic integration. This
is because on the job based
training courses are cheaper, and it offers financial freedom for skilled professionals. Add a hyphen
job-based
However
, there are
might be some constraints, even though anyone can overcome Unnecessary verb
apply
this
situation with their talent and true passion.Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
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task response
Be sure to provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages, as the question asks if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your argument tends to focus more on the advantages, leaving the counterargument underdeveloped.
coherence and cohesion
Create a clearer distinction between paragraphs to ensure each one focuses on a single main idea. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
language proficiency
Check your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
task response
To thoroughly address the prompt, ensure that your introduction explicitly outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarily weigh these to state if one outweighs the other, reflecting the question's requirements.
task achievement
Use examples more strategically to support both sides of the argument, showing not only how vocational training can be beneficial but also addressing and countering potential drawbacks more effectively.
