IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In some states, there is an increasing trend within the young generation that prefers to attend vocational training rather than
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
show examples
 university. I think
this
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trends'
Change noun form
trend's
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 advantages are more outweigh than disadvantages because
this
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 kind of
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 cost-effective than universities, and it saves time.
Firstly
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, attending vocational
trainings'
Change noun form
trainings
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 would be cheaper than
fees
Correct article usage
the fees
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of
Change preposition
at
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 universities,
therefore
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, it is cost-effective for youths. Especially,
adolescences
Replace the word
Adolescents
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 who do not have enough money for
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 is better
to go
Change preposition
off going
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 vocational courses because some of
trendy
Add an article
the trendy
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 majors'
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
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 are offered
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free or cheaper than universities.
Therefore
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, it is
great
Add an article
a great
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 chance to be prepared as a skilled worker.
For instance
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, in Mongolia, construction workers are trained by free in Builders
college
Capitalize word
College
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 of Mongolia. Another advantage is that
its
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it
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 saves time because most colleges usually offer semesters which means usually the duration years.
As a result
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, youth can hold professional
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
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 shortly and reach their financial independence.
For example
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, my one of friend is living in good condition compared to others because she started her own salon after her graduation
of
Change preposition
from
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hair-dressing
Correct article usage
a hair-dressing
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 course
while
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 others were still going to their university.
On the other hand
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, there
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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might be some drawbacks
such
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 as low demands of job positions and
low-reputation
Correct your spelling
low reputation
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.
However
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, as long as
skilled
Add an article
a skilled
the skilled
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 person can tackle these perspectives without suffering. Their skill and qualities will be their indicator of success,
therefore
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, doing
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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work-based training is more valuable than academic
pursue
Replace the word
pursuit
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there should not be
Add an article
a judge
the judge
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judge
Replace the word
judgment
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 on youngsters who want to be skilled workers
instead
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 of achieving academic integration.
This
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 is because on the
job based
Add a hyphen
job-based
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 training courses are cheaper, and it offers financial freedom for skilled professionals.
However
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, there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be some constraints, even though anyone can overcome
this
Linking Words
 situation with their talent and true passion.

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task response
Be sure to provide a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages, as the question asks if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your argument tends to focus more on the advantages, leaving the counterargument underdeveloped.
coherence and cohesion
Create a clearer distinction between paragraphs to ensure each one focuses on a single main idea. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
language proficiency
Check your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
task response
To thoroughly address the prompt, ensure that your introduction explicitly outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarily weigh these to state if one outweighs the other, reflecting the question's requirements.
task achievement
Use examples more strategically to support both sides of the argument, showing not only how vocational training can be beneficial but also addressing and countering potential drawbacks more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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