The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2005.

The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2005.
The line graph illustrates the figure of
people
who visited the museum in various seasons in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
In 2005.
Overall
, the rate of
people
who went to the building in the summer is more than
winter
Change preposition
in winter
show examples
.
Farthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, most
people
visited the place at 12
pm
. In the summer, it
can
Verb problem
is
show examples
apparent that the percentage of
people
who visited the museum upward dramatically to reach approximately 1300
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
at 11 am.
Then
it
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rises
continually to arrive
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
highest peak around 1500
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
at 12
pm
. After it started downward gradually to arrive
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
lowest point which is no visitor went to the place at 18
pm
. In the winter, it can noted that the rate of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
who went to the building fluctuated from 1am to 12
pm
and it arrived
its
Change preposition
at its
show examples
peak
600
Change preposition
of 600
show examples
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
.
Then
it
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
down significantly to the lowest point which is no more
people
visited
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
the place and it continued from 15-18
pm
Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, pm with synonyms.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: