Most countries spend large amounts of money on weapons to defend themselves even when they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
A school of thought holds that governments should allocate money to help underdeveloped
nations
instead
of spending on boosting their military prowess because they are not facing imminent
threat of war. In my opinion, I agree with Correct article usage
the imminent
this
view.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why reinforcing military strength is of
Change preposition
apply
importance
for a nation, even in peacetime. First and foremost, a capable armed force plays a vital role in not only territorial sovereignty but Replace the word
important
also
national security and stability of a country. This
is because having a military capacity would allow a swift response to potential threats such
as terrorist attacks and deter other nations
from threatening its
territorial integrity. Correct pronoun usage
their
However
, constantly boosting military strength or testing new weapons may give rise to an escalating arms race that can cause tensions and even conflicts between countries, especially neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
nations
. Moreover
, the constant testing of weapons such
as nuclear bombs and ballistic missiles and the development of new military technologies can have serious environmental consequences, leading to the release of harmful pollutants and contributing to the degradation of ecosystems.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that a portion of the defense
budget could be allocated to addressing global poverty and humanitarian crises. Change the spelling
defence
This
is because many wars and conflicts in the world derive from poverty, inequality and oppression, which create desperation and resentment among people. Hence
, by providing financial support to poorer countries, developed nations
can help impoverished ones address the root of their problems, such
as lack of education, health care and democracy. This
would improve not only the living standards and human rights of millions of people,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
a sense of solidarity and cooperation between nations
. As a result
, the world would become a safer and more harmonious place, where weapons are less needed. Moreover
, the reallocation of defense
funds will Change the spelling
defence
also
lead to a reduction in the number of weapon tests and the amount
of greenhouse gases Change the quantifier
number
as well as
the detrimental environmental impacts of defense
industries will be lessened.
In conclusion, Change the spelling
defence
although
it is imperative to bolster military capabilities, superpowers should use their resources and influence to improve the lives of others, as this
would have positive impacts on global peace as well as
the environment.Submitted by weezel on
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task achievement
While your essay successfully addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue, incorporating specific examples or case studies to support your points would further strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning a particular country that has successfully balanced military spending and foreign aid would provide more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
At the end of the introduction, briefly outline the main points you will discuss. This will give the reader a clear roadmap of your essay and enhance its coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with clear paragraphs that logically flow from one point to the next. However, make sure to use more transitional phrases to link ideas within paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that effectively address the prompt. This shows a deep understanding of the topic and the ability to discuss it thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in effectively conveying your argument and makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with relevant arguments, which adds credibility to your stance. This strengthens your overall argument.
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