Most countries spend large amounts of money on weapons to defend themselves even when they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

A school of thought holds that governments should allocate money to help underdeveloped
nations
instead
of spending on boosting their military prowess because they are not facing
imminent
Correct article usage
the imminent
show examples
threat of war. In my opinion, I agree with
this
view. On the one hand, there are several reasons why reinforcing military strength is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
for a nation, even in peacetime. First and foremost, a capable armed force plays a vital role in not only territorial sovereignty but
also
national security and stability of a country.
This
is because having a military capacity would allow a swift response to potential threats
such
as terrorist attacks and deter other
nations
from threatening
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
territorial integrity.
However
, constantly boosting military strength or testing new weapons may give rise to an escalating arms race that can cause tensions and even conflicts between countries, especially
neighboring
Change the spelling
neighbouring
show examples
nations
.
Moreover
, the constant testing of weapons
such
as nuclear bombs and ballistic missiles and the development of new military technologies can have serious environmental consequences, leading to the release of harmful pollutants and contributing to the degradation of ecosystems.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that a portion of the
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
budget could be allocated to addressing global poverty and humanitarian crises.
This
is because many wars and conflicts in the world derive from poverty, inequality and oppression, which create desperation and resentment among people.
Hence
, by providing financial support to poorer countries, developed
nations
can help impoverished ones address the root of their problems,
such
as lack of education, health care and democracy.
This
would improve not only the living standards and human rights of millions of people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
a sense of solidarity and cooperation between
nations
.
As a result
, the world would become a safer and more harmonious place, where weapons are less needed.
Moreover
, the reallocation of
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
funds will
also
lead to a reduction in the number of weapon tests and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of greenhouse gases
as well as
the detrimental environmental impacts of
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
industries will be lessened. In conclusion,
although
it is imperative to bolster military capabilities, superpowers should use their resources and influence to improve the lives of others, as
this
would have positive impacts on global peace
as well as
the environment.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay successfully addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue, incorporating specific examples or case studies to support your points would further strengthen your argument. For instance, mentioning a particular country that has successfully balanced military spending and foreign aid would provide more depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
At the end of the introduction, briefly outline the main points you will discuss. This will give the reader a clear roadmap of your essay and enhance its coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with clear paragraphs that logically flow from one point to the next. However, make sure to use more transitional phrases to link ideas within paragraphs, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that effectively address the prompt. This shows a deep understanding of the topic and the ability to discuss it thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in effectively conveying your argument and makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with relevant arguments, which adds credibility to your stance. This strengthens your overall argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: