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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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The bar chart shows some changes in the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and who were born in other regions between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that most
people
Use synonyms
 were born in cities
whereas
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in towns and rural areas were less than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In 1995,
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in cities outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 accounted for nearly 60%
while
Linking Words
 the percentage reached a peak of 80% in 2005. The number of births in rural areas of other countries accounted for 40% ,
then
Linking Words
 declined to just under 10%. The figure for towns made up approximately 10%,
then
Linking Words
 declined by twice to roughly 5%. The proportion of residents of
Australia
Use synonyms
 who were born in cities was 50% in 1995
while
Linking Words
 the figure declined marginally in 2010. 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 were born in towns in
Australia
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of the period but it decreased to just over 10%. The percentage of rural areas declined significantly from about 30% to around 18%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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