Some people believe that children who commit crimes should be punished. Others think that children’s parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many individuals think that
parents
of juveniles should take their
responsibility Correct pronoun usage
apply
to be
punished when their Change preposition
for being
children
commit crimes
. However
, others believe that youngsters should get their own punishment
. In my opinion, parents
are responsible people because juveniles are still liable.
On one hand, crimes
that children
commit are dangerous if
Correct word choice
and
parents
should be responsible, because of the deterrent effect. It can make them not feel repentance and they will repeat to commit more crimes
. The punishment
which
they get should Correct pronoun usage
apply
be
Verb problem
have
the
deterrent effect Correct article usage
a
for
Change preposition
apply
them
that works effectively to reduce Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the crimes
crimes
rate in Fix the agreement mistake
crime
children
, so it is better to give them the
Correct article usage
apply
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
punishment
. Moreover
, it can make other childrens
scared to commit more Correct your spelling
children
children's
crimes
resulting in good habits and it will increase countries
prosperity, particularly better young generations.
Change noun form
countries'
country's
On the other hand
, punishment
for youngsters who commit crimes
is prohibited in some countries, depending on law
. Add an article
the law
Children
are still under nurture
of Add an article
the nurture
parents
, consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
parents
should handle and get the punishments if they commit crimes
. Furthermore
, parents
play essential roles to educate
them Change preposition
in educating
how
to avoid criminals and give real examples in life. Change preposition
on how
Therefore
, they can adapt and copy life
rules of their Correct article usage
the life
parents
which is a good coping mechanism for juveniles
Change noun form
juveniles'
juvenile's
personality
.
All in all, Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
parents
play a crucial role in nurturing their children
in a good way, so their children
can avoid committing crimes
. Parents
are the most responsible humans for their children
. Therefore
if their children
commit crimes
, they should be punished.Submitted by Crowns
on
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a more concise and clear manner. The logical flow from paragraph to paragraph can be improved by using linking words and phrases to better connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your topic and concluding remarks more effectively by clearly stating your stance on the issue at the beginning and summarizing your main points at the end. This helps the reader understand your position from the start and recall your arguments in the conclusion.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Use specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. This can add depth to your essay and make your reasoning more persuasive.
task achievement
Address the task directly by ensuring you discuss both views thoroughly before presenting your own stance. Incorporate a balanced discussion that accurately represents both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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