IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The university is to prepare students for employment or has other functions. Discuss both and give your opinion.

#university #students #employment #functions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
University
 education serves
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important role in numerous people’s lives. Some individuals regard the
university
 as a place to help
students
 better prepare for employment
however
 others believe that the
university
’s role should not be limited to that single aspect. Both views are deemed to be justified. The merits of both sides of opinions will be analysed in
this
 essay. On one hand, the
university
 does contribute a lot in terms of supporting
students
 to win themselves a place in job markets. Through instructing essential background knowledge and information central to different working areas,
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 affords
students
 an opportunity to hone their skills and to boost their employment competence.
For example
, in many social work programs,
students
 are able to learn relevant theories and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
engage in real practice. These learning experiences enable
students
 to increase work-related capacities,
thus
 helping them become more capable of pursuing future careers. In
this
 regard, the
university
 does have the function of assisting
students
 to be more employable.
On the other hand
, the
university
 has other vital roles
such
 as allowing
students
 to develop their interpersonal skills and to enlarge their social networks. It is not uncommon
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 universities
accept
Fix the infinitive
to accept
show examples
students
 from diverse cultural and linguistic backgrounds.
This
 enables
students
 to communicate and cooperate with and, to learn from different kinds of individuals,
thus
 supporting them to achieve personal development. The
university
,
therefore
, does
act as
Verb problem
play
show examples
 an important role
regarding
Change preposition
in
show examples
 facilitating
students
’ social skills. After analysing,
it is clear that
 both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 have their merits. It is felt that the
university
 should not only provide work-based courses that sharpen
students
’ employment competitiveness but
also
 help
Add an article
the student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 enhance
abilities
Correct pronoun usage
their abilities
show examples
 to positively relate to others.
Submitted by yizi.dang on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your essay's score in task achievement, consider incorporating more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've provided a good overview, richer details and real-world instances could make your arguments more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your linking phrases and sentence structures for a smoother flow. While your essay is well-structured, greater variety in language and more sophisticated transitions could enhance readability and the overall cohesion of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: