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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee
A glance at the diagram provided the life circle of
honey
Use synonyms
bees
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 which takes 34 to 36
days
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 from laying
eggs
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 to maturity.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five steps in the life circle. In the beginning, the process commences with laying
eggs
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 and ends with mature
honey
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bees
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the diagram, female
honey
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bees
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 lay one or two
eggs
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 every three
days
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 and those
eggs
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 will hatch after 9 to 10
days
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. After hatching, there will be a three-time moult procedure before nymphs grow into young adults which they will spend 5
days
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 on the first time, 7
days
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 on the second time and 9
days
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 on the third time. Afterwards, young adults will emerge and
then
Linking Words
 spend 4
days
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 turning into mature
honey
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bees
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,the circle starts anew.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be apparently seen that the period from young adults to maturity is relatively shorter than the hatching process and the moult period which is the longest procedure in the life of
honey
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bees
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bees, days, eggs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollination
  • Ecosystems
  • Metamorphosis
  • Larva
  • Pupa
  • Nectar
  • Pollen
  • Foraging
  • Hive
  • Cell
  • Workers
  • Drones
  • Queen Bee
  • Mating Flight
  • Capped Cell
  • Colony
  • Reproduction
  • Brood
  • Apiary
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