IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 issues are becoming debated in society. Some people believe that it is essential to build training
facilities
Use synonyms
 for talented
athletes
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others claim that it is more crucial to provide public
sports
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 for communities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will first look at the arguments for turning to those against.
Although
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the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
against
Correct pronoun usage
against it
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, I firmly believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
training should be provided to top
athletes
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. First of all, international
sports
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 are popular in many
countries
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, which
is
Verb problem
means
show examples
 it will be
privilege
Add an article
a privilege
show examples
 for the country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 wins the most matches in tournaments. Many
countries
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 will be familiar with
athletes
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's nationality if they win the competitions.
For example
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, Indonesia has many top
competitor
Change to a plural noun
competitors
show examples
 in badminton and international olympiads. They should be supported by giving training
facilities
Use synonyms
 which the governments play a vital role in encouraging them. They can enhance their talents and focus through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
training and exercises.
Conversely
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, others think that offering public
sports
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facilities
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 is more critical because it can raise the number of people to be more active in exercise, so they can be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier. There are
areas
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 of the
countries
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 that should be developed
such
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 as cycling
areas
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 and walking
areas
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 in the urban city owing to the effect of vehicles' pollutants. It can foster a healthy lifestyle in communities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more people might have a desire to cycle to the offices but because
lack
Change preposition
of lack
show examples
 of
facilities
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 they choose to use their vehicles.
To sum up
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,
although
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 there are disadvantages to training star
athletes
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 and it might seem crucial to foster
sports
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 space for the public, I agree that
athletes
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged and supervised because they play a vital role
to introduce
Change preposition
in introducing
show examples
 their
countries
Use synonyms
 to international
sports
Use synonyms
.

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introduction conclusion present
Focus on providing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to outline your main points more effectively.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs using a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
supported main points
Support your arguments with a broader variety of specific examples and explanations to strengthen your points and make your essay more persuasive.
complete response
Ensure you address all parts of the task thoroughly. Discuss both views equally before providing your conclusion, which should reflect your thesis statement more clearly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for greater clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting your ideas. Simplify complex sentences if necessary, and ensure your arguments are easy to follow.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the persuasive quality of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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