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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram below shows the process of making soft cheese. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The given diagram illustrates the all process of making soft cheese briefly. The main five steps of production are mixing, cooling, fermentation, evaporation, and cooling.

The diagram below shows the process of making soft cheese. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The given diagram illustrates the all process of making soft cheese briefly. The main five steps of production are mixing, cooling, fermentation, evaporation, and cooling.
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A glance at the diagram provided the flow chart for making soft cheese.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five steps in the process. In the beginning, it commences with mixing and between each step, there is a process from liquid to thick liquid. The following steps are cooling, fermentation, evaporation and cooling again.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the diagram, water and milk will be mixed in the first stage. Afterwards, there will be a 5 °C-cooling procedure which will
last
Linking Words
 for 2
hours
Use synonyms
. When the first cooling process is completed, salt will be added before proceeding fermentation which requires 35°C heating for 2
hours
Use synonyms
, After that, the evaporation will take 8
hours
Use synonyms
 and it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 100°C in order to let off steam.
Finally
Linking Words
, the second cooling time will take another 8
hours
Use synonyms
 at 5°C which there are two filters respectively for wastewater and soft cheese.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it can be apparently seen that the procedure of making soft cheese requires 20
hours
Use synonyms
 in total.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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