IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people believe that family has a greater influence on a child’s life and development than other factors like friends, TV, music and so on. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #influence #child’s #life #development #factors #friends #tv #music
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Family environment has a tremendous impact on lives in childhood and that influence may be higher than other factors. I disagree with that idea because of the two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people have their own personalities with
such
Linking Words
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 as temperament.
Oftenly
Correct your spelling
Often
, it is impossible to control and predict, I would say, that it
Add a missing verb
is predermined
show examples
predermined
Correct your spelling
predetermined
 genetically.
Good
Add an article
A good
show examples
 example of
that is
Linking Words
 identical siblings. Two people with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal start conditions
grew
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same family may have completely different reactions
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the same situation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is a percentage of people who are raised in special conditions without even knowing who
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 parents are.
However
Linking Words
, these personalities may be full of kindness and reach out as high success in life as we can imagine.
While
Linking Words
, a full family with a perfect environment at home will not
garantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 to
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 life without dangers,
alchochol
Correct your spelling
alcohol
 and drug addiction and violence. We, as a
human-beings
Correct your spelling
beings
show examples
, have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
opportinity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to make
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, I assume that the family effect may
overrate
Wrong verb form
be overrated
show examples
 and each story of life needs to be analysed individually. We may not have contact with our family, but we will always be with them in spirit and depend on them.
Submitted by juliashipovskaja on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your stance on the topic—this sets a solid foundation for your essay. Your conclusion should reinforce your argument, summarizing the key points made.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
Work on developing a logical flow between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs, ensuring your argument progresses smoothly.
Supported Main Points
Expand your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Specific, concrete examples strengthen arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response & Clarity
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly present your view and argue it effectively, using a mix of general assertions and specific examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Developmental psychology
  • Socialization
  • Inculcate
  • Role models
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Agents of socialization
  • Primary caregivers
  • External influences
  • Nurture vs. nature
  • Cognitive growth
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Parental guidance
  • Absentee parents
  • Genetic predispositions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: