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Band 2.5

Many people believe that family has a greater influence on a child’s life and development than other factors like friends, TV, music and so on. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #influence #child’s #life #development #factors #friends #tv #music
Family environment has a tremendous impact on lives in childhood and that influence may be higher than other factors. I disagree with that idea because of the two reasons.
Firstly
, people have their own personalities with
such
characteristic
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characteristics
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 as temperament.
Oftenly
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Often
, it is impossible to control and predict, I would say, that it
Add a missing verb
is predermined
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predermined
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predetermined
 genetically.
Good
Add an article
A good
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 example of
that is
 identical siblings. Two people with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equal start conditions
grew
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grown
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by
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in
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 the same family may have completely different reactions
on
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to
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 the same situation.
Secondly
, there is a percentage of people who are raised in special conditions without even knowing who
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 parents are.
However
, these personalities may be full of kindness and reach out as high success in life as we can imagine.
While
, a full family with a perfect environment at home will not
garantee
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guarantee
 to
child
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child's
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 life without dangers,
alchochol
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alcohol
 and drug addiction and violence. We, as a
human-beings
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beings
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, have
an
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the
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opportinity
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opportunity
 to make
own
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our own
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choice
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choices
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.
Overall
, I assume that the family effect may
overrate
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be overrated
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 and each story of life needs to be analysed individually. We may not have contact with our family, but we will always be with them in spirit and depend on them.
Submitted by juliashipovskaja on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating your stance on the topic—this sets a solid foundation for your essay. Your conclusion should reinforce your argument, summarizing the key points made.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
Work on developing a logical flow between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and paragraphs, ensuring your argument progresses smoothly.
Supported Main Points
Expand your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Specific, concrete examples strengthen arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Response & Clarity
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your essay should clearly present your view and argue it effectively, using a mix of general assertions and specific examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Developmental psychology
  • Socialization
  • Inculcate
  • Role models
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Agents of socialization
  • Primary caregivers
  • External influences
  • Nurture vs. nature
  • Cognitive growth
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Parental guidance
  • Absentee parents
  • Genetic predispositions
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