IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for children? What could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

#parents #children #consequences
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Nowadays many
parents
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 give their
children
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 everything they want and allow them to do whatever they want to do, which reveals that they are doting their kids. Some people think that it is good for
children
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,
while
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 others think it is not, which sparks a controversial discussion. From my perspective, spoiling
children
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 is definitely detrimental and will lead to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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destructive consequences for these
children
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 when they grow up.
According to
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 a survey conducted by the University of Hong Kong, spoiled
children
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 generally have a stronger pursuit of material wealth. When
children
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 are still in the stage of mental adolescence, what they usually want is nothing more than money. If their
parents
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 do not control their
desire
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desires
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, they will be keen to spend cash until there is no more left,
then
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 ask their
parents
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 for more. It will be a vicious cycle.
In addition
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,
children
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 usually spend money on games, especially
children
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 who with immature
mind
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minds
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. If they are not controlled at that time, they will put all their resources into playing games and do not think
that is
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 wrong, which will make them a wrong value in the future.
Therefore
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, not letting them
to
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apply
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develop bad habits that they are used to asking for,
parents
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 should not give their
children
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 everything that they ask for.
Moreover
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, before their minds are mature,
children
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’s thinking
are
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is
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 easy to deviate. Smoking, drinking, gambling or even drug addiction are likely to happen if guardians allow them to do whatever they want to do. These harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are often associated with criminal activities. Based on a recent study, most of the crimes were committed by the unrestricted who
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
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 up in a doting environment, which exposes the detrimental consequences of spoiling
children
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.
Thus
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, not allowing
children
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 to do whatever they want to do is a protection
of
Change preposition
for
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 them. Based on the above, I solidly believe that giving
children
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 everything that they ask for and allowing them to do whatever they want to do, which regarded as spoiling them, absolutely
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a poisonous consequence to
children
Use synonyms
 when they grow up.
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task achievement
To improve task response, work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points. Incorporate a wider range of evidence, such as statistics, research findings, or personal anecdotes, to make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay flows well from one idea to the next. Use a variety of transitional words and phrases to help readers understand the connection between your ideas. Also, consider organizing your paragraphs around a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations, to enhance the logical structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
What to do next:
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