IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that annual exams are best way of assessment while others believe that regular appraisals are better. Discuss advantage and disadvantage of both.

#people #exams #appraisals #advantage
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This
Linking Words
 letter is being express my interest in
this
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 opportunity. I am highly motivated to
work
Use synonyms
 at
backbone
Capitalize word
Backbone
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.
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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 as I am quite familiar with the subject, keen on innovation, and definitely support the idea, that
energy
Use synonyms
 can be transformed into money.
In addition
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, I love to create, implement and develop IT products and I’m really good at it. The first reason why I am close to the topic of
energy
Use synonyms
 is that I have a technical education. The second reason is about
work
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 experience. I have done some scientific
work
Use synonyms
 related to
energy
Use synonyms
, which included creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
IT systems. The first one was about saving money for
energy
Use synonyms
 sources
due to
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 technological process optimization based on computing modelling. The next was “
Energy
Use synonyms
 saving: scientific, technical and economic aspects of ensuring
energy
Use synonyms
 security. The economic justification for the feasibility of introducing cogeneration plants and
energy
Use synonyms
-saving water treatment technologies at food industry enterprises”. I
also
Linking Words
 lead, working as a creator of the concept and ideology as well, the research project “
Energy
Use synonyms
 and Economic Passports of Railways”, related to the development of a new system for accounting for the costs of fuel and
energy
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 resources of railways, ensuring their transparency and controllability. I am passionate about delivering fast and reliable systems and services designed to suit the needs of our customers and consumers.
Late
Correct word choice
In recent
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 years I managed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 team of developers, analysts, designers, and DevOps
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
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 and worked as a
Product
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 Lead and
Product
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 Owner. I worked as a Solution Architect in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 big company starting
her
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 digital transformation. As I can see, I can bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great value to the company and I
full
Add a missing verb
am full
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 of enthusiasm to do
this
Linking Words
.
Due to
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 my familiarity with business and system
analyzing
Replace the word
analysis
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, ability to
make
Verb problem
do
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 quick
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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, broad range mindset, and earned value management, I can easily create the best roadmap for the
product
Use synonyms
, formulate the right requirements and show the benefits from implementation. (I presented my ideas and experience about requirements management at the PMI Business Analysis Conference, I was the only one from Europe as a speaker there and I have got
a
Remove the article
apply
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great feedback). I’ve released many products,
WebApps
Correct word choice
and WebApps
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 as well,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 of them are still working and developing.
Additionally
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, I have a good taste in design. Before I created the task for the designer, I created the user stories and simple landing. I am perfect at managing people and processes. I managed big projects, which were
implementing
Change the form of the verb
implemented
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 on the big territory in the different time zones, by some teams and subcontractors.
Depends
Wrong verb form
Depending
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 on
project
Add an article
the project
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, I use different methodologies,
such
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 as Waterfall, Agile (Scrum, Kanban mostly), or combine them. Apart from team engagement and inspiration, I focus on our priorities to make sure that we meet our objectives on time and
budget
Change preposition
within budget
show examples
.
Besides
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, I am good at
work
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 estimation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
evaluate
Wrong verb form
evaluating
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 team progress with different metrics.
Moreover
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, I use metrics and
product
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 analysis to improve the
product
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. I always
work
Use synonyms
 for the financial result.
Submitted by yarinka13 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are crucial for structuring your argument effectively. Consider starting with an introductory sentence that clearly states your stance on the topic and ending with a conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay can be improved by organizing your points more clearly. It's advisable to dedicate separate paragraphs to discussing the advantages and disadvantages of annual exams and regular appraisals respectively, making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Task Achievement
Your essay does not directly address the task of discussing the advantages and disadvantages of both annual exams and regular appraisals. It's essential that your response directly addresses the task prompt to achieve a higher task achievement score.
Task Achievement
While you provided some specific examples from your work experience, your essay would benefit from more clear and comprehensive ideas directly related to the merits and drawbacks of each assessment method. Try to incorporate more focused examples and explanations that relate directly to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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