Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea?

#students #jobs #universities #idea

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In the modern world, When studying in universities, nowadays many

students

Use synonyms

work in

part

Use synonyms

-time

jobs

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, I think it is a good idea to make money in

university

Use synonyms

life

Use synonyms

, which can reduce the expense of parents. There are many reasons for working in

part

Use synonyms

-time

jobs

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while

Linking Words

studying at

university

Use synonyms

. First of all, they can reduce the expense of their parents, which impacts to quality of living, because many

students

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are likely to shopping and party and that are so expensive.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they would get work experience before they

graduate

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from

university

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, which is important for finding

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

jobs

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when

graduate

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and can improve their

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

skills.

Linking Words

Due to when

Change preposition

When

show examples

they

working

Wrong verb form

work

show examples

they will get

Add an article

the issue

an issue

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

and solve

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Additionally

Linking Words

, some

students

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think they can save money and invest for a better

life

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For example

Linking Words

students

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from the faculty of engineering

working

Wrong verb form

work

show examples

Use synonyms

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

with an automation company

for

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show examples

design mechanical

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part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

. when they get a salary they

devide

Correct your spelling

divide

into two groups first for living and second for invest.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, when

work

Change the verb form

working

show examples

service

Correct article usage

the service

show examples

section they will communicate with customers or other people.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

the ability to communicate of them will

be enhance

Change the verb form

be enhanced

show examples

. which have benefits for their working

life

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when

graduate

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To conclude

Linking Words

woking

Correct your spelling

working

show examples

Use synonyms

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

jobs

Use synonyms

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

many

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

for

university

Use synonyms

students

Use synonyms

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

Because they can help

Change preposition

with parents

show examples

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

expense

Fix the agreement mistake

expenses

show examples

and another

benefits

Fix the agreement mistake

benefit

show examples

is can improve communication skills. I believe that if

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

working

Wrong verb form

work

show examples

Use synonyms

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

have

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life

Use synonyms

when they

graduate

Use synonyms

from

university

Use synonyms

Submitted by kungslowjam on Sat Mar 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Consider creating a more clear structure for your essay by introducing paragraph breaks that clearly separate your introduction, main body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will make your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

Though your essay includes a clear viewpoint and relevant examples, strive for more precise phrasing and reduce repetition. Enhance your argument by varying your language and sentence structures.

task achievement

While your essay provides supportive examples, expanding on these with more detail and depth would strengthen your argument further. Aim to elaborate on why these examples are persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Work on the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures. This includes managing sentence length effectively, using a mix of simple and complex sentences, and ensuring punctuation accuracy to improve clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

252 words

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Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Write about shopping. Would you prefer shopping in a store or shopping on the internet (online)? What are the benefits of your choice? What are the possible problems of your choice?

9.Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer?

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.