IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct- or endangered in recent decades. What are reasons behind this tendency? What effects it may have on ecosystems in general?

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Experts claim that animal
species
Use synonyms
 have been on the verge of extinction or disappeared.
This
Linking Words
 essay will highlight the contributing factors and dire ramifications of
this
Linking Words
 trend. One of
push
Add an article
the push
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 factors would be extreme hunting, which explicitly
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 about
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of animal
species
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 some parts of the world, residents try to survive and raise their young by hunting owing to the fact that they do not have
Correct article usage
the possibilities
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possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
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 to afford the price of meat.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they suffer from hunger and lack of meat,
thus
Linking Words
 they need to rely on poaching. A
further
Linking Words
 reason behind
this
Linking Words
 trend is that their habitats are put in jeopardy by construction purposes. Construction companies can cause deforestation, thereby forcing them to abandon their places.
Such
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 animal shifts can pose challenges
them
Change preposition
for them
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 to adapt and survive under new conditions. Waning
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 chain can be considered as a major repercussion of
this
Linking Words
 predisposition.
This
Linking Words
 is because
loss
Add an article
the loss
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 of animal
species
Use synonyms
 can exacerbate the ways in which predators can find their
preys
Fix the agreement mistake
prey
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 to hunt and consume.
This
Linking Words
 challenge may bring about hunger and
disappearance
Correct article usage
the disappearance
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 of other predator
species
Use synonyms
, which fail to find their food.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 tendency can lead to diverse issues for plants.
This
Linking Words
 is because flora and fauna are interconnected, which
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 each other to endure harsh conditions.
In other words
Linking Words
, the extinction of animals might pave the way for
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of vegetation. To cite an example, lack of animals can worsen the pollination process, which can negatively affect the reproduction of plants, thereby causing the gradual disappearance of vegetation. In conclusion, animal extinction can be triggered by
extreme
Add an article
the extreme
an extreme
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 tendency for hunting and deforestation, and among dire consequences are
worsening
Correct article usage
a worsening
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 food chain and
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 of plants in
number
Add an article
a number
show examples

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Expand your introduction by providing more background information or stating clearly the significance of the topic. This helps set a solid foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should include a more detailed conclusion that summarises your main points and reiterates the significance of the issue in a broader context.
task achievement
Address the task directly by ensuring that your response fully covers all parts of the question. This includes discussing the reasons behind animal extinction and its effects on ecosystems.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Examples help to clarify your points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. This involves explaining your points in greater detail and exploring the implications or reasons behind your arguments.
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