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Band 5

Some people think that uniforms in schools are unnecessary and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #uniforms #schools
It is now a debatable issue nowadays for
uniforms
 to be a necessity in
schools
. There are people who view it as unnecessary to wear
uniforms
 in
schools
 and they think that
students
 must not wear
uniforms
 at all. I disagree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 idea of banning
uniforms
 in
schools
 to a larger extent.
Firstly
, I believe
uniforms
 can distinguish
students
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and it is very important especially if
students
 are found in the wrong places and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
show examples
 time.
For instance
, it will be easy to identify a student if they bunk school and go to clubs or bars wearing
uniforms
. If they are in
clothes
, it will be not easy to identify them in these places.
Moreover
,
uniforms
 are essential especially for disadvantaged children as they can cover up their poverty and they can feel comfortable around other kids.
This
 is unlike if they are wearing
clothes
, other children will be wearing expensive brands making those who cannot afford uncomfortable and they can have low
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead to
poor
Correct word choice
academic
show examples
 achievement
academically
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
However
, to a lesser
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 I agree with
this
 notion of banning
uniforms
 in
shcools
Correct your spelling
schools
.
Students
 must have the freedom to wear what they want and what they are comfortable with.
For example
, in private
schools
,
students
 feel more comfortable going to school
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
clothes
 and it does not affect their academic
perfomance
Correct your spelling
performance
. Conclusively, it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ideal for
students
 to wear
uniforms
 in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 so as to distinguish them from the crowd
although
 some
students
 feel more comfortable wearing their own
clothes
 to school.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. While your essay presents a clear position, expanding on your ideas with more detailed and varied examples would strengthen your argument. Try to delve deeper into why uniforms should or shouldn't be banned, offering a broader range of insights and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly and ensuring each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) to link ideas within and across paragraphs. Moreover, organizing your paragraphs around clear, central ideas can help enhance the coherence of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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