Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It has been common sense that we have to become a good member of
society
. It is often argued that this
should be taught by parents
, whilst others disagree and think it is the responsibility of the school
. Nonetheless
, I would argue that children
should learn how to be good members of society
through home education provided by family.
Parents
taught children
a lot of things, including how to be a good person. Moreover
, they are far more comfortable learning from their parents
as they are the person who raised them. It is therefore
agreed that they should learn good manners from their parents
. For instance
, when I was little, I used to follow every bit of things that my parents
did, such
as appreciating other people, showing my gratitude to others, and greeting the elderly to show politeness.
However
, many people disagree and feel that the schools are responsible for teaching children
proper action and manners, as the schools have their own lessons regarding character building. In this
case, school
is the reflection of the small-scale society
that is
similar to the real world. Hence
, children
learn to practice what the school
has taught, for
example
to behave well and manage their attitude toward others by showing respect to teachers and peers. Henceforth, it will be ingrained in their mind and hearts so that when they grow up, they can be a person whose morals and behaviour are accepted by Add the comma(s)
example,
society
, leading them to become a good member of society
.
In conclusion, while
parents
can teach children
good manners, some still feel that the school
is the perfect place to build children
’s character. Nevertheless
, I believe that parent's role is far crucial in shaping children
's behaviour and manner so that they can practice those aspects at school
, which is a small-scale society
.Submitted by riani.the2 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are well-done, the body paragraphs could benefit from a more balanced discussion. Ensuring both viewpoints are equally elaborated will improve the score.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use more linking words and phrases that clearly show relationships between ideas. This will make the essay flow better and make arguments more compelling.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific, detailed examples to support some of the points. Adding more evidence and examples, such as studies or historical references, can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas further by expanding on or explaining key points. Some sentences feel a bit rushed and could benefit from more detailed elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and effectively sets up the topic and your position. This provides a strong start to your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes the key points and reinforces your opinion, which leaves a solid impression on the reader.
task achievement
You make good use of personal experience to highlight your argument. This makes your work more relatable and grounded.