Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Many people think relatives are supposed to incentivize their kids into participating in

group

activities,

while

others support letting the younger ones figure

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

out what to do with their free time on their own.

This

essay discusses both sides of

this

argument and explains why I believe being in a

group

is better. Some believe parents should support their

children

into being part

Change preposition

show examples

a team in their free time. The first benefit is that by participating in

group

activities, kids can develop their social skills more easily, by learning how to work in a

group

For instance

, after my niece started going to volleyball classes, she became more open to teamwork at school. Another reason is that communication skills are

also

improved.

This

results from having to express their thoughts more clearly and learning how to actively

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

others' opinions.

However

, others feel that

children

are supposed to learn what to do to occupy themselves when they are alone. The most significant reason is that it is important to let them develop their independence.

This

is because it will give them the opportunity to think for themselves.

In particular

, independent

children

learn how to problem-solve more easily.

Moreover

, it allows them to discover more about themselves.

This

due to

having to think more deeply about their preferences and dislikes. In conclusion, I believe both sides of the argument have merits.

However

overall

, I think the advantages of learning how to

teamwork

Correct your spelling

work

show examples

and the communication skills improvement outweigh the disadvantages of sometimes not knowing how to solve a problem on their own or lacking personal knowledge.

Furthermore

, in my opinion, personal knowledge can be enhanced with help from their parents, by them

estimulating

Correct your spelling

stimulating

estimating

their

children

's thought

process

Fix the agreement mistake

processes

show examples

regarding their feelings and opinions.

Submitted by amandacflago23 on Sat Mar 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present in your essay. The introduction should briefly introduce the topic and state your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize the discussed points and reiterate your stance. Your essay does this well, but refining your introduction and conclusion to more succinctly encapsulate your arguments may enhance clarity.

Logical Structure

Organize your essay logically by grouping related ideas and arguments together. Use transitional phrases to help the reader follow your argument. Your essay demonstrates a logical flow, but employing a wider variety of transitional phrases could help improve the cohesion between ideas further.

Supported Main Points

Support your main points with clear examples or explanations. While your essay includes some examples, more detailed and specific instances could strengthen your arguments. Consider incorporating unique personal experiences or more specific scenarios to support your claims.

Complete Response

Address the task fully by covering all parts of the prompt. Make sure to discuss both views and offer your own opinion in a balanced way. You've managed to touch on both perspectives and your own, but providing a more balanced discussion could improve your score. Consider dedicating equal attention to both sides of the argument before asserting your opinion.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

Ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive throughout the essay. Each paragraph should convey one main idea, followed by explanations or examples. Your essay presents clear ideas, but striving for more depth in the explanation of your reasons and examples could make your arguments more compelling.

Relevant & Specific Examples

Use relevant and specific examples to support your points. Your essay contains examples that contribute to your argument, but incorporating more varied and detailed examples could showcase your understanding of the topic better.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
occupied
organized
group activities
benefits
social
teamwork skills
interpersonal skills
friendship
discipline
time management
interests
hobbies
independent play
creativity
problem-solving skills
self-reliance
explore
discover

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, it is commonly seen that students in a university have a part-time job for various purposes in addition to university studies they have. Some people believe that working as a part-time job would be beneficial to undergraduate students and I strongly agree that. I believe that it will help them acquire essential skills for employment they may need when graduate and make them more likely to be employed by employers than those who did not have a part-time job.
5
band
In many countries plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish, causing pollution on land and in the water, so people think they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Plastic is a very sensitive topic for many countries across the globe. In this day and age, several first world societies consider this type of waste as taboo - it is lazy to rely on shopping bags at the store that could end up in a landfill. Since we have already replaced virtually everything that could hurt our planet already, why have we not replaced elasticated shopping bags? It is clear we must come up with a solution for a long standing problems that is causing turtles to crawl onto beaches and die.
7.5
band
some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
This question of whether colleges should put unrelated courses in pupils' schedules or not is a contentious one. Although there would be precious courses among those subjects, I believe it has its own drawbacks, either.
5.5
band
You had arranged to meet a friend next week, but you have realised that you will not be able to go. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter - cancel the meeting with friend and apologize. - explain why you will not be able to meet him -suggest where and when you could see each other
I Hope you and the family are in the pink of health.
8
band
Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is true that these days, many wild animals are on the verge of extinction. Thus, many people argue that authorities and individuals should contribute to the conservation of these species. Meanwhile, there is also a widespread belief that priority should be given to human welfare. In this essay, both sides will be explored, followed by my opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish, causing pollution on land and in the water, so people think they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You had arranged to meet a friend next week, but you have realised that you will not be able to go. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter - cancel the meeting with friend and apologize. - explain why you will not be able to meet him -suggest where and when you could see each other

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.