Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from the government in order for them to continue with their work.

Historically,
art
has been widely recognized owing to its
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
impact among
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
and its advancements have had an exponential
grown
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, it is well-known that in many countries
artists
have not received fair stipends.
For
this
reason, they should
received
Change the verb form
receive
show examples
 financial aid from not only non-profit organizations but
also
the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. I partially agree with
this
because
instead
of obtaining
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
should guarantee better wages in
this
profession. 
Firtsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, there have been created many ways to illustrate or
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
art
,
such
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
theatre, sculpture, painting, etc.
Then
, students of
art
and people who already work as
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
an artist
artists
show examples
artists
should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
money by buying
respective
Correct article usage
the respective
show examples
materials that are required to carry out
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performance
.
Therefore
, wages are not enough neither for basic daily requirements
nor
Correct word choice
or
show examples
for purchasing items. As a
consecuence
Correct your spelling
consequence
, many non-profit organizations have helped and supplied these
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, and in many
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
artists
must apply
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
scholarships or
governamental
Correct your spelling
governmental
financial contributions is vital in order to reach their goals. 
However
, if in many other employments and professions are provided mandatory
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
to complete the tasks, in the artistic field
also
should be done.
For example
, in Colombia, most of the
artists
must obtain financial
sponsor
Fix the agreement mistake
sponsors
show examples
, mainly those who
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
scenic arts
due to
the necessity of having the standard conditions to develop the
labours
Fix the agreement mistake
labour
show examples
.
Hence
, it has been shown how people who
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
to follow their artistic career
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
to face many difficult situations. 
To sum up
,
art
is a field that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
generated
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact worldwide.
However
, some conditions for performing
this
kind of work
are not be
Change the verb form
are not
show examples
widely
guarantee
Replace the word
guaranteed
show examples
.
As a result
,
artistis
Correct your spelling
artists
artistic
should be in
constantly
Change the adverb
constant
show examples
effort to obtain financial support
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
Nevertheless
, it is really necessary to
stablish
Correct your spelling
establish
new policies and rules in order to grant better conditions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
working among
Correct article usage
the comminuty
show examples
comminuty
Correct your spelling
community
of
artists
.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that each paragraph explicitly addresses the essay question. Make your stance clear from the introduction and consistently relate each argument back to how it supports your view. Incorporate more focused examples to effectively underline your points.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by organizing your ideas more logically. Use clear, topic-sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline what you will discuss. Ensure the flow from one idea to the next is smooth by employing a wider range of connecting phrases.
task achievement
To reinforce your main points, provide concrete, specific examples. Instead of general statements about the positive impacts of art worldwide, present real-world instances where art has made a significant contribution. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and typos. For improved structure and clarity, keep sentences concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. Pay attention to spelling (e.g., 'goverment' should be 'government') and consistent capitalization.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: