IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007
#show #consumption
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph depicts the
intake
Use synonyms
 of 3 spreads in a period of 26 years, between 1982 and 2007. 
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and reduced spreads
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 an upward trend during the period, Margarine and butter show a declining trend. The consumption of
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 and reduced spreads started at approximately 10
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1996 which was the lowest
intake
Use synonyms
 compared to margarine and butter.
However
Linking Words
, it soared
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 80
grams
Use synonyms
 in 5 years time before
sligtly
Correct your spelling
slightly
 decline
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just over 70
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Margarine used to be the most favorite spread
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
intake
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just above 10
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1981. It
then
Linking Words
 reached its highest
intake
Use synonyms
 in 1986 before
declined
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
 significantly years after and the
intake
Use synonyms
 was above 50
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007. Meanwhile, the butter
intake
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 started relatively high at almost 100
grams
Use synonyms
 in 1981.
However
Linking Words
, it
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 fluctuation over the period and
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to the point of 40
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2007.
Submitted by NA on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words intake, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: