IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts illustrate three places
Correct word choice
where
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
people
 live for
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
those
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 born in Australia and outside of it. The proportion of
people
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
cities
,
Towns
 and Rural
areas
 has changed over a
15 years
Correct your spelling
15-year
 period of time.
Overall
, a large number of
people
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in
cities
 and increased during the period,
while
 over time
people
 immigrated from rural
areas
 to
cities
 and
towns
. As can be seen in the charts at the start of the period, nearly half of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in Australia live in
cities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
remaind of
Correct your spelling
remaining
 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 are town
dewellers
Correct your spelling
dwellers
. These
figure
Change the determiner
figures
show examples
 have similar trends for those who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia with 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of city residents and 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 live in rural
areas
. In 2010,
people
 immigrated from rural
areas
 and
towns
 to
cities
 which increased city residents for
austrialian
Correct your spelling
Australian
people
 to just under 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Australian
people
 who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and tows are equal with nearly 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
. A significant
proportan
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of Non-Australian
people
 are living in
cities
 with 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. It seems rural
areas
 are not a popular place for living among Non-Australian
people
 as
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounts
show examples
 for under 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 only and 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in
towns
. In conclusion, Most
people
 have immigrated to
cities
 and it seems they migrated from other places to
cities
 for many reasons like good job prospects and
facelities
Correct your spelling
facilities
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, towns, areas, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: