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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts illustrate three places
Correct word choice
where
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that
Correct word choice
where
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people
Use synonyms
 live for
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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those
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 born in Australia and outside of it. The proportion of
people
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live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
cities
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,
Towns
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 and Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 has changed over a
15 years
Correct your spelling
15-year
 period of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, a large number of
people
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live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in
cities
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 and increased during the period,
while
Linking Words
 over time
people
Use synonyms
 immigrated from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to
cities
Use synonyms
 and
towns
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. As can be seen in the charts at the start of the period, nearly half of
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in Australia live in
cities
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
30
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them live in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 and
other
Correct article usage
the other
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remaind of
Correct your spelling
remaining
 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 are town
dewellers
Correct your spelling
dwellers
. These
figure
Change the determiner
figures
show examples
 have similar trends for those who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia with 60
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of city residents and 40
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
or
Correct your spelling
of
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who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. In 2010,
people
Use synonyms
 immigrated from rural
areas
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 and
towns
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 to
cities
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 which increased city residents for
austrialian
Correct your spelling
Australian
people
Use synonyms
 to just under 65
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Australian
people
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 who live in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 and tows are equal with nearly 20
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
share
Correct article usage
the share
show examples
. A significant
proportan
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of Non-Australian
people
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 are living in
cities
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 with 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. It seems rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are not a popular place for living among Non-Australian
people
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 as
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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accounted
Wrong verb form
accounts
show examples
 for under 5
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 only and 10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in
towns
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, Most
people
Use synonyms
 have immigrated to
cities
Use synonyms
 and it seems they migrated from other places to
cities
Use synonyms
 for many reasons like good job prospects and
facelities
Correct your spelling
facilities
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, towns, areas, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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