An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

this

modern era, society normally

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

their time watching TV and other entertainment shows. On the TV we often see plenty of public figures with high-level beauty appearances.

This

leads to the audience expect the same face or torso figures as their idol.

As a result

, plastic

surgery

has become a trend in society.

This

essay will clarify why

this

phenomenon is a negative situation.

To begin

with, cosmetic

surgery

is taken to enhance the beauty of the body.

However

, “beauty itself” is made up by society and they set up some unrealistic standards of body types. In some societies, women are considered appealing if they have full lips or sharp noses.

Consequently

, people lose confidence in themselves and are pursuing to fit the beauty standard.

This

sort of mindset is disadvantageous because people gradually lose their self-esteem and satisfaction. In many cases, people tend to do multiple surgeries after one another which often

shape

Correct subject-verb agreement

shapes

show examples

their bodies to appear disfigured, which causes them to even destroy their goal,

instead

of actualising it.

Furthermore

, several

surgery

methods are followed by subsequent potential health issues.

For instance

, some folk opt for silicone gel to augment their breast size. Little do they know that they would be haunted by the probability of nerve damage or breast cancer.

Additionally

, it is

also

often the case, that some societies from lower economic conditions attempt to undergo a

surgery

procedure with an economical price

that is

often done by incompetent workers and often causes the patient to suffer from its failure. In conclusion, I determine

this

trend as an unfavourable issue which can disadvantage individuals mentally and physically.

Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on Sun Mar 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To improve the task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on why more people are choosing cosmetic surgery, providing a wider range of reasons. Also, clarify your position regarding whether this trend is positive or negative by providing more detailed explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure but enhancing the flow between ideas could make your argument stronger. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making your points clearer and more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Work on supporting your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention potential health risks and societal pressures, providing real-life examples or statistical evidence could strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the word. what are the causes of it? and what solution do you offer?
Stress has become a widespread issue in many countries across the world. In this essay, I will discuss the main causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
5
band
For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than art. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?
In the past, art used to be one of the integral parts of societies, which changed dramaticly duo to advant of technology. people started to move on and choose tech based stuff over art. This essay, explores the possible reasons and gives some solutions that could be useful to make people not forget about arts.
5
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own pourer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
there are many professionals moving away from their countries to developed countries. The main problem this causes is reducing the quality of health care in their countries and the most viable solution is improving awareness of people about their rule on their countries.
7
band
Recent sureys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reason for this trend and will be the possible outcome from this behavior provide example for your opinion
It is believed that people are keen on moving to a new place and going to various nations nowadays. From the writer's perspective, it is the desire to have a better life that results in this action and can lead to the economy going downward.
<4
band
Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Many people believe that earning more money is the most important thing to be happy, while the others think there are lots of different things that affect happiness. While acknowledging that financial wellbeing has a significant role for happiness. I belive the other factors are more important for it such as being healthy.

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the word. what are the causes of it? and what solution do you offer?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own pourer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Recent sureys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reason for this trend and will be the possible outcome from this behavior provide example for your opinion

Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.