An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

this

modern era, society normally

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

their time watching TV and other entertainment shows. On the TV we often see plenty of public figures with high-level beauty appearances.

This

leads to the audience expect the same face or torso figures as their idol.

As a result

, plastic

surgery

has become a trend in society.

This

essay will clarify why

this

phenomenon is a negative situation.

To begin

with, cosmetic

surgery

is taken to enhance the beauty of the body.

However

, “beauty itself” is made up by society and they set up some unrealistic standards of body types. In some societies, women are considered appealing if they have full lips or sharp noses.

Consequently

, people lose confidence in themselves and are pursuing to fit the beauty standard.

This

sort of mindset is disadvantageous because people gradually lose their self-esteem and satisfaction. In many cases, people tend to do multiple surgeries after one another which often

shape

Correct subject-verb agreement

shapes

show examples

their bodies to appear disfigured, which causes them to even destroy their goal,

instead

of actualising it.

Furthermore

, several

surgery

methods are followed by subsequent potential health issues.

For instance

, some folk opt for silicone gel to augment their breast size. Little do they know that they would be haunted by the probability of nerve damage or breast cancer.

Additionally

, it is

also

often the case, that some societies from lower economic conditions attempt to undergo a

surgery

procedure with an economical price

that is

often done by incompetent workers and often causes the patient to suffer from its failure. In conclusion, I determine

this

trend as an unfavourable issue which can disadvantage individuals mentally and physically.

Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on Sun Mar 24 2024

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task achievement

To improve the task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on why more people are choosing cosmetic surgery, providing a wider range of reasons. Also, clarify your position regarding whether this trend is positive or negative by providing more detailed explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure but enhancing the flow between ideas could make your argument stronger. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making your points clearer and more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Work on supporting your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention potential health risks and societal pressures, providing real-life examples or statistical evidence could strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have very high salaries compared to other workers of lower positions in the same company. To what extent do you agree?

19.Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

in the future, nobody will buy printed newspaper or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?