An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

#people #surgery #appearance #operations #change #development

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this

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modern era, society normally

spend

Change the verb form

spends

show examples

their time watching TV and other entertainment shows. On the TV we often see plenty of public figures with high-level beauty appearances.

This

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leads to the audience expect the same face or torso figures as their idol.

As a result

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, plastic

surgery

Use synonyms

has become a trend in society.

This

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essay will clarify why

this

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phenomenon is a negative situation.

To begin

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with, cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

is taken to enhance the beauty of the body.

However

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, “beauty itself” is made up by society and they set up some unrealistic standards of body types. In some societies, women are considered appealing if they have full lips or sharp noses.

Consequently

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, people lose confidence in themselves and are pursuing to fit the beauty standard.

This

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sort of mindset is disadvantageous because people gradually lose their self-esteem and satisfaction. In many cases, people tend to do multiple surgeries after one another which often

shape

Correct subject-verb agreement

shapes

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their bodies to appear disfigured, which causes them to even destroy their goal,

instead

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of actualising it.

Furthermore

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, several

surgery

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methods are followed by subsequent potential health issues.

For instance

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, some folk opt for silicone gel to augment their breast size. Little do they know that they would be haunted by the probability of nerve damage or breast cancer.

Additionally

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, it is

also

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often the case, that some societies from lower economic conditions attempt to undergo a

surgery

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procedure with an economical price

that is

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often done by incompetent workers and often causes the patient to suffer from its failure. In conclusion, I determine

this

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trend as an unfavourable issue which can disadvantage individuals mentally and physically.

Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on Sun Mar 24 2024

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task achievement

To improve the task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on why more people are choosing cosmetic surgery, providing a wider range of reasons. Also, clarify your position regarding whether this trend is positive or negative by providing more detailed explanations and examples.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure but enhancing the flow between ideas could make your argument stronger. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making your points clearer and more cohesive.

coherence cohesion

Work on supporting your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention potential health risks and societal pressures, providing real-life examples or statistical evidence could strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today parents spend less free time with their children. Who are more affected?

In the last few decades, there have been more and more cases of famous people being hounded by the press. Some people think that famous people in the media should have no right to privacy. To what extent do you agree?

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many animals are endangered, some people argue that we should only protect animals that are useful to human. To what extent do you agree or disagree?