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Band 6.5

In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driverless #people #vehicles #passengers
In the coming years, trucks and buses will be
driverless
. The only people who travel inside these vehicles will be passengers.
While
driverless
 can probably increase the unemployment rate, the
transportation
cost
 can be reduced.
Thus
, I think that the advantages of
driverless
 outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand,
driverless
 can probably increase the unemployment rate.
This
 is because many trucks and buses will not be needed when the vehicles can work automatically. Tesla, a gigantic
car
company
 from the USA, already launched their automatic electric
car
 which can be operated with and without a driver by using AI technology.
Although
this
car
 has not been used widely over the world, many people believe that
this
car
 will dominate the road in the future.
Thus
, many
transportation
 companies can probably decide to end their
drivers
' contracts to minimize the operational
cost
.
However
, I believe that
drivers
 can use their experience in the managerial role,
such
 as how to develop the
transportation
 business process efficiently.
Therefore
, they may have jobs as
transportation
 consultants.
On the other hand
,
driverless
 can reduce the
transportation
cost
. Since
drivers
' salary often contributes a large proportion of a
transportation
company
's budget,
driverless
 can probably cut
this
cost
 significantly.
For instance
, Transjakarta, a public bus
company
 in Jakarta, operates thousands of
drivers
 with a huge monthly salary. If
driverless
 can be implemented, the
company
 may reduce the driver number.
As a result
, the consumer gets the great benefit of it since the ticket fee can drop significantly. I agree with
this
 point because many residents in Jakarta commute every day by using
this
 bus, so they can allocate the
cost
 to other daily needs since the living
cost
 in Jakarta is very high. In conclusion,
while
driverless
 can probably increase the unemployment rate, the
transportation
cost
 can be reduced.
Therefore
, I firmly believe that the demerit is outweighed by the merit.
Submitted by adittyafatma on

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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt and presents clear, comprehensive ideas. However, it would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of both advantages and disadvantages. Delving deeper into the implications of reduced transportation costs and potential unemployment could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay's logical structure is strong, the transitions between points can be made smoother. This will help in connecting ideas more cohesively. For instance, consider using linking words such as 'moreover,' 'in contrast,' or 'additionally' to ensure better flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
The main points are supported with relevant, specific examples that enhance the argument. The use of real-world examples like Tesla and Transjakarta makes the essay more relatable and compelling.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, making it easy to follow the writer’s train of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • driverless vehicles
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • increased safety
  • reduced traffic congestion
  • improved efficiency
  • accessibility
  • disabled
  • elderly
  • job displacement
  • privacy concerns
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