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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The maps illustrate the changes in the Local Museum at the north-east corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street in three separate years: 1957, 1987, 2007.

The maps illustrate the changes in the Local Museum at the north-east corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street in three separate years: 1957, 1987, 2007.
The diagram demonstrates differences between the local
Museum
Use synonyms
 at the northeast corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street at two different
time
Use synonyms
 periods. Regarding the
museum
Use synonyms
 in 1957, there was a big entrance which was surrounded by trees.
In addition
Linking Words
, right after
people
Use synonyms
 entered the place they were faced with a path which led to the main entrance of the building.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 were in the building, they could see the local history room on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 left-hand side and
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 store room and the right-hand side.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a huge zone which was allocated to the national history exhibition. In regard to the
museum
Use synonyms
 in 2007,
people
Use synonyms
 were provided with a car park
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 in comparison to the previous year of record.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 the entrance opens to
Use synonyms
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
 shop and for
further
Linking Words
explore
Replace the word
exploration
show examples
people
Use synonyms
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to leave the shop.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there are several places which are the same as before but
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 there was a cafe and education centre
in addition
Linking Words
 the the previous places.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 in 2007 had fewer trees,
people
Use synonyms
 were given a few more places and some of them were extended significantly compared to the first year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, time, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attract a broader audience
  • infrastructure
  • interactive displays
  • virtual tours
  • environmental sustainability
  • community engagement
  • strategic partnerships
  • inclusive exhibitions
  • accessibility
  • branding and marketing strategies
  • evolution
  • maintain relevance
  • appeal
  • differently-abled visitors
  • cultural institutions
  • educational organizations
  • joint exhibits
  • exchange programs
  • green spaces
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