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Band 4.5

The maps illustrate the changes in the Local Museum at the north-east corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street in three separate years: 1957, 1987, 2007.

The maps illustrate the changes in the Local Museum at the north-east corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street in three separate years: 1957, 1987, 2007.
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The diagram demonstrates differences between the local
Museum
 at the northeast corner of Hartford Street and Redcliff Street at two different
time
 periods. Regarding the
museum
 in 1957, there was a big entrance which was surrounded by trees.
In addition
, right after
people
 entered the place they were faced with a path which led to the main entrance of the building.
Furthermore
, when
people
 were in the building, they could see the local history room on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 left-hand side and
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 store room and the right-hand side.
Additionally
, there was a huge zone which was allocated to the national history exhibition. In regard to the
museum
 in 2007,
people
 were provided with a car park
this
time
 in comparison to the previous year of record.
Moreover
,
this
time
 the entrance opens to
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
 shop and for
further
explore
Replace the word
exploration
show examples
people
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to leave the shop.
Lastly
, there are several places which are the same as before but
this
time
 there was a cafe and education centre
in addition
 the the previous places.
Overall
,
Although
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 in 2007 had fewer trees,
people
 were given a few more places and some of them were extended significantly compared to the first year.
Submitted by Parsahassani077 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, time, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attract a broader audience
  • infrastructure
  • interactive displays
  • virtual tours
  • environmental sustainability
  • community engagement
  • strategic partnerships
  • inclusive exhibitions
  • accessibility
  • branding and marketing strategies
  • evolution
  • maintain relevance
  • appeal
  • differently-abled visitors
  • cultural institutions
  • educational organizations
  • joint exhibits
  • exchange programs
  • green spaces
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