At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?
In the modern era, we can face that we have
massive
number of young generation than elderly in some regions have many drawbacks because Change the article
a massive
the massive
that
areas lose Change the determiner
those
active
and cheerful atmosphere. Some Correct article usage
an active
people
think it has had mixed result
, so Fix the agreement mistake
results
it is clear that
people
may have diverse idea
about Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
this
issue. Weighing up both sides, I believe that there are more benefits that living together with
diverse ages group
,
There are clearly a few merits Fix the agreement mistake
age groups
that
elderly living with their young neighbours. The most notable are is that the city Correct determiner usage
the
lose
Change the verb form
loses
lively
Correct pronoun usage
its lively
moods
.
Fix the agreement mistake
mood
Secondly
, young people
innovate and are productive and business so they have a positive effect on the economy in their society. For example
, some people
can make diverse tourist attractions to attract tourists and make infrastructure. So that makes
Verb problem
apply
create
employment and Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
improve
our quality of life.
In spite of the above-mentioned issues, some Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
people
assert that there are various negativity on this
matter. Firstly
, the main weakness is that it is possible increase
their old Add the particle
to increase
people
's unemployment rates if they not
require Add a missing verb
do not
elderly
. Correct article usage
the elderly
In addition
, old people
have
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
work Change preposition
apply
experienced
and after Replace the word
experience
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
Add a comma
retirement,
retirement
they do not have Replace the word
retire
someting
to do. Correct your spelling
something
Due to
this
fact, it lead depression
and stress.
In a nutshell, Change preposition
to depression
it is clear that
there are many advantages to contribute to the economy. In contrast
, there are also
significant disadvantages because it is apparent that unemployment rates increase so we needs
to consider many Change the verb form
need
factor
. Change to a plural noun
factors
Thus
, I strongly believe that increasing the number of young people
more
merits than drawbacks.Add a missing verb
has more
Submitted by wowoo04066 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduciton & Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Also, make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively without introducing new information.
Logical Structure
Achieve logical structure by planning your essay before you start writing. Each paragraph should have one main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations.
Supported Main Points
Support main points with clear, specific examples. Avoid vague statements by providing concrete evidence or scenarios that reinforce your arguments.
Complete Response
Address the task directly and ensure that you cover all parts of the prompt in your essay. Clearly state if you believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and why.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on them with explanations, reasons, or examples. Each paragraph should introduce a singular idea that relates back to the prompt.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Generic or vague examples weaken your essay. Instead, use detailed scenarios or statistics to enhance your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.