IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The ultimate focus of
science
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 has to be the upscaling of
individuals
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' lifestyles. In my conviction, improvements in modern-day
science
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 have improved the
health
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 of people
,
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 and
also
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 improved the social well-being of
individuals
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, which are considered to be the most important aspects of well well-being of mankind.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with the captioned statement.
To begin
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 with, scientific innovations have created pathways to uplift the
health
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 status of
individuals
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 in the modern era. In my opinion, with the development of biomechanical engineering sciences, new machinery with more
health
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 advances is coming to the modern market day by day, and other than that, improvements in chemical sciences are successfully fighting the emerging new pathogens effectively.
For instance
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,
according to
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 many news articles in the USA ECG technology in
incoperation
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cooperation
to
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with
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 the Apple watches has been able to detect heart rhythm abnormalities and get medical attention in time saving 100s of lives during the past year.
Hence
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, improvement in
science
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 has a great positive impact on upgrading the
health
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 of humankind.
On the other hand
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, upscaling social
connectivity
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 with modern technological advances has led to a less stressful and relaxed lifestyle and in the end the well-being of the individual.In my point of view , the internet and modern mobile phones and other networking devices have improved
connectivity
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 among
individuals
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 and
this
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 led to having a less stressful life for
the
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people and development of new social software has taken
this
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 into a new era of social well being.
For example
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, my grandmother uses the FaceTime app on her iPhone to communicate with her old friends and relatives at least 3-4 times a day.
On the contrary
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, if she did not get that opportunity,and with her physical disabilities it would be a zero social life for her.
Thus
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, scientific innovation to improve social
connectivity
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 has improved the lifestyle of humans. In conclusion, modern-day scientific innovation in
health
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 sciences has reduced the
health
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 risks either with new machinery or never drugs, and other than that, improvements in social
connectivity
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 via new devices and new software have led
individuals
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 to experience less stress,and improved social life.As
such
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,
this
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 writer is in strong agreement with the notion that
,
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apply
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 the most important aim of
science
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 should be to improve people's lives.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and concise introduction, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that develop individual ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to clearly show the relationships between ideas and to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand and support main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion on the topic and by including your own opinion where required.
task achievement
Make sure your essay has a clear position throughout and concludes with a summary of the main points discussed and your personal stance.
task achievement
Use examples that are relevant and add depth to your essay. Try to provide quantified results or research findings to support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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