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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007

The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007
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The diagram illustrates the assumption of several spreads between 1981 and 2007. Regarding the
Margarine
Use synonyms
, It started just under 100 grams and after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short period of reduction, it began increasing,
In addition
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Margarine's
Correct article usage
the Margarine's
show examples
 graph was constant
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a short period but right after that it started to decrease. In regard
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 Butter, it began right above 140 grams and with lots of fluctuations, it ended up at
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 lower value
its
Change preposition
than its
show examples
intial
Correct your spelling
initial
 value.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, there is no data given for Low fat before 1996 but it increased gradually from 1996 to 2007.
Consequently
Linking Words
, Butter had
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 but it was in the middle position
at the end
Linking Words
.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although margarine
Margarine
Use synonyms
 had a large amount of fluctuation, it was
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 deduction to its
overall
Linking Words
 value and it held the
last
Linking Words
 place in 2007. Since there was no information given for the Low fat before 1996, I am unable to see what place it could have had.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the only graph
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 it was steady at some point
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Margarine
Use synonyms
 between 1991 and 1996.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words margarine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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