In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
One
of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that young people
choose IT related
Add a hyphen
IT-related
jobs
. It is undeniable that IT professions have become an essential part of our life
. In Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
essay
I will look at facts about Add a comma
essay,
people
's view
, Fix the agreement mistake
views
examine
factors responsible for Correct word choice
and examine
this
opinion.
One
of the main causes of young people
choosing IT related
Add a hyphen
IT-related
jobs
is that these professions are in-demand
in future. One
clear example for
Change preposition
of
this
reason is engineering. One
of the main activities of an engineer is solving technical problems. People
will need it a lot of time. It is a result of our improving technologies every year. The second cause that might be noted, in my view, is their salaries
. Everybody in the world knows that IT related
workers have the biggest Add a hyphen
IT-related
salaries
. For instance
, last
year engineers had the biggest
Correct your spelling
highest
salaries
according to
topmoney.com . It is a result of how this
profession is in-demand
. Based on Correct your spelling
in demand
this
website we can see that 70% of humanity went to an engineer for help.
The first cause mentioned above has led to how young people
are hard-working. They are going to work most of the time. Because their jobs
are very in-demand
in the future. Another cause mentioned above has led to how young Correct your spelling
in demand
people
want to live. We described the second reason depending on IT related
Add a hyphen
IT-related
jobs
' salaries
and they are very big. Then
, for
this
reason
we can say that all young Add a comma
reason,
people
want to be rich.
Having weighed everything mentioned up
, we can come to Change preposition
apply
a
conclusion that more and more young Correct article usage
the
people
are going to work IT related
professions for their Add a hyphen
IT-related
in-demand
jobs
and their big salaries
.Submitted by dnm.best on
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task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the topic, but the response does not fully answer the question asked. The task was to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training compared to attending university, but your essay focuses mainly on why young people choose IT-related jobs. To improve, make sure your essay directly addresses the question. Offer comparison between work-based training and university education, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of these paths.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question. Start with an introduction that paraphrases the task and states your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. End with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This will give your essay a cohesive structure and help the reader understand your argument better.
coherence cohesion
While you provide examples, your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences that introduce your main points. Each paragraph should begin with a clear statement that summarises the main idea of the paragraph. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph is clearly linked to your main argument. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow more smoothly and make your points more persuasive.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...