IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#information #culture #history #museums
It is generally accepted that in the modern
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 internet has become a big important role in people's life. Some might argue that museums are no longer needed anymore because
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
online platforms
are
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 much easier to access
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
.
This
 essay will
demonstrates
Change the verb form
demonstrate
show examples
 why both sources should still exist for the learners. The internet platform in the present has become one of the best tools in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. The first initial reason is that social websites contain almost all
information
 about things that happened in the world from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 to
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
.
Moreover
,
Ai
Correct your spelling
AI
show examples
 has been involved as a helping
tools
Correct the article-noun agreement
tool
show examples
 in the online world which is very beneficial to the users,
such
 as the users can type the questions to ask them, and they can do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quick research within 2 minutes with
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accurate answers, which is very easy for people to get through the informations and knowledges. There are
also
 some drawbacks to it,
such
 as sometimes the users might
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 fake news, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unreliable sources from the spammers, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 people to misunderstand. Turns to the details of the museum place, the first notable benefit is the kids will not
going to
Verb problem
apply
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get fake
information
 because every story from the books
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 written by real resources and popular authors,
most
Correct word choice
and most
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 of the books have been proven by UNESCO before being taken
in to
Join the words
into
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 the galleries.
Furthermore
, children will have an opportunity to learn
be
Correct your spelling
by
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 seeing the real objects and pictures,
this
 is the best way to study with experiencing the physical objects.
In contrast
, the galleries contain a huge number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
, which might
be
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 hard to find some art
piece
Fix the agreement mistake
pieces
show examples
,
whereas
 the internet can be straight through the things that they would like to study. In conclusion,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sources can be beneficial in different ways as the reasons mentioned above, but there are
also
 some disadvantages in some points of view too, depending on the situation. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 suggestion, everyone should be careful the researching
information
 from social platforms,
try
Correct word choice
and try
show examples
 to explore many different websites.
Additionally
, they can merge the knowledge from two places, to recheck the true story.
Submitted by piasnatcha09 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that everything within that paragraph supports that idea. Consider using topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
task achievement
Spell out acronyms the first time you use them. For example, instead of just 'AI', write 'Artificial Intelligence (AI)' on its first mention.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch and correct grammatical errors. This will make your argument clearer and your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
In the task achievement, ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Directly state your position on whether museums are needed and why.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Avoid general statements; instead, provide concrete instances or historical facts that support your viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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