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Writing Samples
Band 5

Happiness is considered very important in life, but it is hard to define. Why is happiness difficult to define? What factors are important in achieving happiness?

#happiness #life #factors
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It is obvious that most of the
people
 would like to be happy in their lives.
However
,
Happiness
also
 has many diverse meanings to many different
people
. Some individuals may describe it as wealth, materials, and social status,
while
 others may believe it is achieving success in their work or task.
This
 is just one example of the variety
meanings
Change preposition
of meanings
show examples
 of
happiness
. It is
also
 something that can alter depending on the circumstances and contexts of one’s
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Therefore
, it can be challenging to explain what
happiness
 is. Despite the fact that there are numerous factors which contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieving
happiness
, one of the most significant things would be fundamental needs in physiological and safety. It is difficult to feel truly happy if one
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a place that they can call home or do not have enough food to eat. Meeting those essential needs is crucial to live a pleasant life.
Additionally
, Physical and mental well-being is another component that helps
people
 in attaining
such
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
. The majority of
people
 would agree that they could not be happy if they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 facing physical ailments or mental health issues. Well-being directly impacts the quality of life and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to enjoy and engage in activities. When we feel healthy both physically and mentally, we are equipped to embrace and enjoy life’s experiences. In conclusion,
happiness
 is
subjective
Add an article
a subjective
show examples
 concept and can be defined in numerous ways for each person. Depending on individual perspectives and can involve different factors as example mentioned above.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompts more comprehensively. While your essay touches on why happiness is hard to define and factors important for achieving it, expanding on these aspects with more depth and direct examples will enhance your score.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point. An introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion would improve readability and structure. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of connectives to enhance the flow of your essay. Using words like "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "However," at the beginning of sentences can help link ideas more clearly.
task achievement
To further support your main points, include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discuss specific ways in which mental health influences happiness, or how meeting fundamental needs contributes to a person’s well-being.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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