IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effect on your children. Do you agree or disagree with it? Give some reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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With the help of technology, the world has come a long way. The lifestyle of
people
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 has changed in many ways . Undoubtedly it can be said that the computer is the most powerful and important invention of all time . Nowadays
people
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 prefer to
use
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 modern devices than old devices . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of
people
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 who believe that excessive
use
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 of
computers
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 can be dangerous for
children
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's development. There are myriad reasons why a good number of
people
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 agree with the assertion. As far as I can see it is more justified to say that excessive
use
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 of
computers
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 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on a child's development and I vehemently agree with the community. To embark on, if we have a deep look at the assertion we will certainly be able to identify myriad reasons why many folks think
this
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 way . The first and foremost reason is using
computers
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 every day is not good for
children
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's
health
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 . To elaborate, excessive screen time can cause
health
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 problems
such
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 as poor eyesight, headaches, and lack of physical fitness .
furthermore
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, another striking reason is using
of
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apply
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computers
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 makes
children
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 lazy . In the era of modern technology,
children
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gets
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get
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 everything online. They receive online classes ,
materials
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and materials
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 and even they
also
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 play online games because of that they don't need to go outside of the house which is a big problem in the current scenario.
Lastly
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, using too many modern devices not only distracts them from academic work but
also
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 makes
children
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 antisocial.
For instance
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, today's kids hardly want to go outside to play or make friends because they get to play online games with online
people
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 or AI. They spend hours and hours in front of the desktop it not only affects their mind it's
also
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 threatening
to
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apply
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their physical
health
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 .
To conclude
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,
although
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 the computer Plays an important role in
children
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's development it's better to
use
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 it under a limit. Excessive screen time is not only bad for mental
health
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 but
also
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 for physical
health
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.to lead a healthy lifestyle it's quite important to balance .

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the prompt and guide your argument.
task response
Ensure a balance in developing both sides of the argument if you choose a partially agree/disagree approach, addressing potential benefits as well as drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Utilize clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea being discussed, enhancing reader understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by having distinct paragraphs for each main idea, including a separate conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
task response
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, relating them directly to the essay topic to demonstrate real-world applications or consequences of your points.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cyber safety
  • screen time
  • cognitive development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • digital literacy
  • interactive learning
  • virtual communication
  • physical well-being
  • academic performance
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