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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, in many counties fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved?

It is believed that there is a shortage of secondary
school
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teachers
Use synonyms
 in numerous nations as the less number of candidates are interested
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 tutors in these schools. A number of factors are responsible for the aforementioned phenomenon.
This
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 essay
would intend
Wrong verb form
intends
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 to discuss the same
along with
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 effective measures to tackle it in the subsequent paragraphs. Diverse points endorse the causes for
Add an article
the above
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above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 issue. The principal among all is the unpleasant behaviour of the senior students towards their educators. Since the governments have introduced the policy that tutors cannot scold their students, the cases of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teachers
Use synonyms
'
assualt
Correct your spelling
assault
 have climbed significantly.
For instance
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, one video went viral online where higher
school
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 students were seen beating their science master because he
didnot
Correct your spelling
did not
didn't
 pass them in the exam.
Therefore
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,
this
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 disrespectful behaviour of teenagers
have
Change the verb form
has
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 created havoc among educators to not join senior secondary schools. As every cloud has a silver lining,
this
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 predicament can be resolved by taking some plausible steps. Primarily, parents should teach their children the important value of respecting others. It is evident that home is the first
school
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 of a child where basic lessons
such
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 as talking and behaviours are learnt,
consequently
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,
its
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it is
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 the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of parents and elders to take out some time on
daily
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a daily
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 basis so that children can learn through imitation, the moral ethics and behaviours to live in the society.
Besides
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this
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, strict laws should be imposed against the juvenile offenders. If any of the culprits would get strict punishment,
rest
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the rest
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 of the youngsters will think twice before hitting their trainers.
Thus
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, not only the family's attention towards their kin
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 the imposition of rigid laws against young criminals can bring back
teachers
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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secondary schools.
To conclude
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, it can be inferred that no doubt,
unfavourable
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the unfavourable
an unfavourable
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 attitude of trainees towards their lecturers has stopped them
to consider
Change preposition
from considering
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 secondary
school
Use synonyms
teachers
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'
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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.
However
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, the necessary attention of the parents and caregivers
along with
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 stringent actions against wrongdoers can solve the problem to a great extent.

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coherence cohesion
Strive for greater clarity and conciseness in expressing your ideas; avoid long, complex sentences that may detract from understanding.
task achievement
Introduce examples that are more varied and detailed, ensuring they directly support your main points. This will enhance the relevance and richness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow throughout the essay by using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and cohesive devices (such as transition words) more effectively.
task achievement
Amplify your response to the task by fully answering all parts of the question. Consider both the reasons for the current situation and a wider range of possible solutions.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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