Many think that secondary and high school students should learn money management as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that starting from the middle school pupils should study fundamental
financy
Correct your spelling
finance
. I strongly agree with
this
statement,
hence
money
management
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
part of adulthood, and understanding of proper use of income would be beneficial for individuals. Nowadays, people complete plenty of tasks that
involves
Change the verb form
involve
show examples
money
transactions,
therefore
it is necessary to have simple financial knowledge.
For instance
, some people are addicted to loans and do not have any savings for the future.
Furthermore
, those individuals are constantly in debt, they may even take credit to close the other one, creating
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a loop.
Therefore
, essential
financy
Correct your spelling
finance
is core knowledge for children and should be
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
at schools.
In addition
to the previous fact, education can
also
bring
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
For example
, nowadays it is a popular trend among south
koreans
Change the capitalization
Koreans
show examples
to invest, and almost everyone there
practice
Change the verb form
practices
show examples
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
working at
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
jobs.
Therefore
, those individuals use their
money
from salaries to bring more by trading.
Moreover
, it is a key aspect of
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
success to understand that
money
should work on a person, not
conversely
.
However
, most adults hold their savings in deposit accounts.
Consequently
, there is no growth and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
even a decrease because of the inflation. In conclusion, I personally strongly agree with
this
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statement,
hence
it is important to give children
education
Add an article
an education
the education
show examples
that they can use every day in the future, to prevent financial problems, or to even double savings just by
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
the understanding
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fundamental investment.
Submitted by dyussenovaanel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay strongly addresses the prompt and provides a clear standpoint, which is great. However, providing a more varied range of examples and specifics would enhance the essay. Consider diverse contexts and more unique scenarios to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical sequence which is good for coherence. To improve cohesion, consider more varied and sophisticated transition phrases between paragraphs and ideas. This will make the flow of your essay more seamless.
coherence cohesion
To elevate your coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Develop your paragraphs fully to connect more effectively with the reader.
general
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typing mistakes to ensure clarity and professionalism. Specific attention to detail can significantly improve the quality of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • spending
  • prioritizing expenses
  • debts
  • financial commitments
  • building a secure future
  • academic subjects
  • limited resources
  • financial literacy
  • specialized programs
  • qualified teachers
  • diversity of career paths
  • future opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: