In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?
Many countries have adopted a ban on smoking in general places and fines have been imposed on violators.
Furthermore
, nations agree that a person who wants to smoke should choose an empty place for himself. Because, smoking in public can Linking Words
also
have a negative impact on the health of others, especially children and sick persons.
Linking Words
To begin
with, some citizens enjoy smoking. So, they choose parks, Linking Words
walking
recreation areas to experience Correct word choice
and walking
this
pleasure. Of course, it is their normal right. It should only be taken into account that smoking in parks and other locations where children are present is not the right choice for Linking Words
this
process. In 2020, research by Swedish scientists showed that if children, Linking Words
specially
Replace the word
especially
under
the age of 10, are constantly exposed to cigarette smoke, they are very likely to develop diseases Correct pronoun usage
those under
such
as lung problems or asthma.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, people with breathlessness tasks and heart disease may be concerned about cigarette smoke. So, the nicotine in cigarettes can have a negative effect on the body not only through useLinking Words
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
through inhaling it from the air. Linking Words
For
Linking Words
this
reason, since 2018, smoking in public places has been banned in Malaysia. Even for that reason, special smoking rooms have been created in many sites Linking Words
such
as parks.
Linking Words
To sum up
, Linking Words
while
smoking is a person's personal choice, I support a public ban considering the impact on those around them. Linking Words
Additionally
, increasing the enforcement of Linking Words
such
laws could Linking Words
also
have an impact on massive health.Linking Words
Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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General
Consider elaborating more on the introduction to set the stage for the discussion. Providing a clear outline of the arguments you'll cover can make the essay more cohesive.
Task Achievement
Try to explain your examples a bit more. While the Swedish research provides a strong point, introducing a bit more depth in your example would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion could remind readers of the key points you've made in the essay. A stronger summation of arguments can reinforce your position.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear stance on the issue, showing a firm understanding and personal viewpoint on public smoking bans.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay flows logically from one idea to the next, especially in connecting health concerns of children and affected individuals with laws in Malaysia.
General
Good structured conclusion, where you summarized your position ambiguously while connecting to your main points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?