IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance . dicuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance #dicuss
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The majority of
people
Use synonyms
 said that hard
work
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 and determination will be successful in life, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others said that factors are important in money and appearance . I think the formal is the best opinion and my reason is in the following essay. First of all , many citizens always try to
work
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 hard per day and hope to be wealthy in the future because of the widespread global bring the results inflation so they need a lot of money to take care of their life and their families.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2005 there was inflation around the world causing a lot of
people
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 to become unemployed and stressed.
Conversely
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, some
people
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 need to care about their appearance to have more opportunities to
work
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. It is considered that when citizens wear suitable clothes when they have an interview they can gain an impress with the examinations.
For instance
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, in many countries around the world, the airport assistant needs a good face and body, it is the rule that if the citizens want to
workwork
Correct your spelling
work
 in the airport, they should law
this
Linking Words
apaiding
Correct your spelling
painting
. In my opinion, if
people
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 come from hard
work
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 and determination,
people
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 will trust employers, they can have a good job for a long time and have more fortune in the future. In conclusion, in more fields, it has more challenges and difficulties in
work
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 have to try hard and make an effort they always solve many situations in their lives and gain more experience to be rich one day.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clear and cohesive argument structure throughout the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single point, supporting it with examples or explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state the debate and your standpoint, while the conclusion should summarise your argument and restate your position firmly.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Instead of merely stating points, elaborate on them with more details or examples to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Improve on providing relevant and specific examples. When citing examples, ensure they are directly related to the point you're making and detailed enough to support your argument effectively.
General Advice
Refine your essay for grammatical precision and clarity. Avoid repetition and aim for variety in sentence structures and vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • tenacity
  • socioeconomic status
  • aesthetic standards
  • meritocracy
  • disparities
  • innate characteristics
  • equitable opportunities
  • success metrics
  • fortuitous circumstances
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