Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determinaton. While others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is widely believed that
success
in life stems from diligent
work
and unwavering determination.
However
, others argue that external factors,
such
as financial resources and physical
appearance
, play a more significant role. Both perspectives have valid points, but in my view, hard
work
and resolute commitment can more readily lead to triumph than the alternative viewpoint. Undoubtedly, hard-working individuals have the greatest opportunities to achieve their goals.
This
belief finds support in the lives of many famous influencers and entrepreneurs who, driven by unwavering determination, have pursued their dreams since childhood. Their relentless pursuit empowers them to overcome obstacles and achieve their aspirations flawlessly.
On the contrary
, there exists a group of people who contend that wealth and
appearance
serve as primary criteria for judging
success
.
This
perspective is grounded in extensive research, revealing that people often assess others based on their looks and financial status.
Appearance
matters, especially in contexts like job seeking or serving as role models.
Furthermore
, evaluating individuals’ financial well-being and outward
appearance
allows us to gauge their affluence and trustworthiness. As the author of
this
essay, I propose that we evaluate
success
by considering individuals’ enthusiasm and diligence. These qualities foster a strong
work
ethic. Consistently putting in effort makes one reliable, dependable, and committed to their tasks. In conclusion,
while
certain professions may emphasize
appearance
and financial information, I firmly believe that we should ultimately judge people based on their hard
work
and unwavering determination. These qualities pave the way for true
success
.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to include more varied and specific examples to support each viewpoint. This could involve citing real-life success stories or using statistical data to back up arguments.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, strengthen the linkage between paragraphs with clearer transition phrases that highlight the logical flow of the essay. Moreover, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea will aid in clarity and organization.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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