IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determinaton. While others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is widely believed that
success
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 in life stems from diligent
work
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 and unwavering determination.
However
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, others argue that external factors,
such
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 as financial resources and physical
appearance
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, play a more significant role. Both perspectives have valid points, but in my view, hard
work
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 and resolute commitment can more readily lead to triumph than the alternative viewpoint. Undoubtedly, hard-working individuals have the greatest opportunities to achieve their goals.
This
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 belief finds support in the lives of many famous influencers and entrepreneurs who, driven by unwavering determination, have pursued their dreams since childhood. Their relentless pursuit empowers them to overcome obstacles and achieve their aspirations flawlessly.
On the contrary
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, there exists a group of people who contend that wealth and
appearance
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 serve as primary criteria for judging
success
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.
This
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 perspective is grounded in extensive research, revealing that people often assess others based on their looks and financial status.
Appearance
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 matters, especially in contexts like job seeking or serving as role models.
Furthermore
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, evaluating individuals’ financial well-being and outward
appearance
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 allows us to gauge their affluence and trustworthiness. As the author of
this
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 essay, I propose that we evaluate
success
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 by considering individuals’ enthusiasm and diligence. These qualities foster a strong
work
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 ethic. Consistently putting in effort makes one reliable, dependable, and committed to their tasks. In conclusion,
while
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 certain professions may emphasize
appearance
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 and financial information, I firmly believe that we should ultimately judge people based on their hard
work
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 and unwavering determination. These qualities pave the way for true
success
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.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, try to include more varied and specific examples to support each viewpoint. This could involve citing real-life success stories or using statistical data to back up arguments.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, strengthen the linkage between paragraphs with clearer transition phrases that highlight the logical flow of the essay. Moreover, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea will aid in clarity and organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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