Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factor such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Whether achievements in life
is
created from industriousness and Correct subject-verb agreement
are
will power
or financial background and impression is still a controversial discussion. I contend that resoluteness and sedulousness will make people successful in their Correct your spelling
willpower
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
self-improvement, despite those who believe that looks and wealth will lead them to success by fame.
It must be acknowledged that individuals can change themselves positively by zeal and steadfastness. In other words
, failures are unavoidable, but lessons can be learnt and the same mistakes would
not be made again. Wrong verb form
will
For instance
, Thomas Alva Edison, in order to create a battery that can be used all by most cars over the world, had more than over
5000 attempts in 3 Rephrase
apply
continous
nights to create the most possibly perfect battery. Correct your spelling
continuous
Therefore
, if there's hard work and determination, there will be gain for those who try.
However
, some people believe that richness and mien would be the most preferable choice. As they
have shown that most Correct word choice
They
Correct your spelling
celebrities
celebreties
often successful Add a verb
celebreties are
celebreties were
by
the fame they Change preposition
because of
had
in the crowd Wrong verb form
have
such
as Mr Beast on the YouTube platform. This
point has credibility, yet in order to be famous as some people that
is
looked up to, there is non-stop dedication that these individuals have Change the verb form
are
while
they could suffer a lot by
critics and increasing demand Change preposition
from
of
content. Change preposition
for
As a result
, the person that
is standing in the spotlight is the greatest version the crowd has ever seen. Correct pronoun usage
who
Hence
, outward form and fortune might be vital, but intentness and toil are the factors needed to have in-life achievements.
In conclusion, I believe that hard work and determination is
the prime Correct subject-verb agreement
are
factor
for success. Fix the agreement mistake
factors
Furthermore
, this
should be encouraged to learn the true values of success.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that logically progress from one to the other. Your essay does well in this regard; keep refining this skill to further enhance the clarity of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. While your essay demonstrates good use of these, aiming for a wider variety can further bolster your writing's cohesion.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or reasons. You've done this well, but continuing to develop each point with more detailed examples or explanations can make your argument more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Develop a clear position throughout the response, ensuring it responds directly to the essay question. Your essay shows a good understanding of this; continue to express your viewpoint clearly and consistently for stronger task achievement.
