Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Whether industriousness and persistence or material wealth and physical appearance play an important role in a person’s
success
is a highly controversial discussion.
While
the writer acknowledges the essence of the latter forms, diligence and persistence are far more significant. Prosperities and outlooking can aid individuals
attaining
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in attaining
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accomplishments in several ways. For those who
born
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are born
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in
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into
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the
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apply
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affluent families, setting up a business can be done without struggling with
bank
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a bank
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mortgage or finding a secure job will be easier since they have a good foundation from the beginning. Regarding appearance, people who are considered attractive can easily be prioritized when getting
promotion
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a promotion
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or applying to certain positions relating to fashion,
entertainment
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and entertainment
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. Indeed, a singer who is beautiful can draw much attention from audiences in a show
comparing
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compared
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to others regardless of talent or voice. These two factors can be huge advantages
of
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for
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some people since they were born, providing greater opportunities to achieve goals and climb the social ladder. No matter how easily can reach their targets when possessing money and good
looking
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looks
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, individuals who train themselves to become industrious and determined can go a
further
path and gain achievements. In fact,
although
many are fortunate to
developing
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develop
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themselves in prosperous backgrounds and attractive
appearance
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appearances
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, others who are not lucky always find
themselves
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apply
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a way to attain accomplishments, often
through
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by
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putting
a
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in a
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great deal of effort.
For example
, Nick Vujicic, who was born with or limbs, has
push
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pushed
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himself
harsh
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hard
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to practice writing by mouth and gain a
bachelor
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bachelor's
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degree with two majors. Not only that, he inspired the youth with a role model of being persistent and became a motivational speaker. The other reason is that major
success
seldom comes easily without perseverance. Some may
emphasis
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emphasise
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on numerous billionaires who inherit a fortune from their families and become successful, but they ignore the importance of
hard-working
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hard work
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and determination that help the rich people keep developing their companies and maintain their
success
. In brief,
although
money and outlooking significantly
contributes
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contribute
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to the
success
of individuals, the role of diligence and determination is considered far more crucial for
the
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apply
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long-term development.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion structure. Improve the logical flow by using more transition words between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader seamlessly through your arguments.
task achievement
Address the task by discussing both views thoroughly and providing your own opinion clearly. Your opinion should be stated in the introduction and conclusion for stronger task achievement.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points, ensuring they are directly relevant to the argument you are making. More detailed and diverse examples could strengthen your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and engagingly. This will also enhance the essay's overall coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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