IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

The graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.
#changes #food #consumption #chinese #people
The given line graph illustrates the food ingestion alteration of
Correct article usage
the chinese
show examples
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 population in six different years with the 5 years interval, starting from 1985. The types of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 are divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
meat
,
salt
, and
fish
.
Overall
, it can be seen that the most
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
 product over the period was
fish
.
While
salt
 experienced downward trends,
meat
's popularity
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased to meet
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same figure
at the end
 of the period provided. In 1985,
Fish
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 started at the highest point compared to
salt
 and
fish
, with 600 grams per person per week. After that, it experienced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fluctuation
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1990 to 2000
then
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to sharply rose to
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 highest point at
appoximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 850, in 2010. Moving on to the consumption of
salt
, It is obvious that
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 citizens fond
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
salt
 started higher than
meat
 at about 500 and 100, respectively.
While
salt
 showed
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
meat
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
moderately rose to meet
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same amount, at roughly 200 grams.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, salt, fish with synonyms.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: