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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that there is a lot of importance of lifelong learning in the phase of rapidly changing technology. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss both views along with your opinion.

It is universally acknowledged that learning is
inseparable
Add an article
an inseparable
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 part of every person. Consideringly,
technology
Use synonyms
 is moving forward fast and
also
Linking Words
effect
Verb problem
affects
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on
Change preposition
apply
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diverse
wide
Correct word choice
apply
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aspects of modern
life
Use synonyms
 which requires temporary exposure to
educating
Replace the word
education
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.
Thus
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,
proponent
Fix the agreement mistake
proponents
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 of the necessity of learning especially in
modern
Add an article
the modern
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 era
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 understandable. Learning is a spontaneous deed which is unstoppable during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
Use synonyms
. Individual experience in every detail,
such
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 as doing chores, travelling, and
also
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 communicating, can definitely help us to have a better
life
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, science and
technology
Use synonyms
plays
Change the verb form
play
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 a key role in readily living. To put it differently, a myriad of inventions has been developed in our
life
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as
a
Change the article
the
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 cell phone, the internet, and home instruments. In order to work with these
new
Change the adjective
newly
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 developed inventions, it is indispensable to be aware of their instructions.
For instance
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, if I want to call my friend by cellphone, it requires knowing about the way of calling with it. It is undeniable that in
this
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 competitive era, more knowledge leads
more
Change preposition
to more
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chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
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to
Change preposition
of
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 getting a good occupation. Studying and being up-to-date in
technology
Use synonyms
 area
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a crucial factor, not only to get a job
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 during
working
Replace the word
work
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, it would be possible,
a
Change preposition
for a
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knowledgeable person in
technology
Use synonyms
Fix the infinitive
to robs
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robs
Correct subject-verb agreement
rob
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 your position just
for
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this
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 reason. It is worth
to mention
Change the verb form
mentioning
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 that companies tend to hire these types of job seekers.
For example
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
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one paper company in Zanjan,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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utilized too much water to produce paper, but recently they have treated water through membrane
technology
Use synonyms
 to recycle and reuse it in their process.
To sum up
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, learning, as a spontaneous action, happens in every moment,
however
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, it comes up with an idea to educate new inventions purposely
along with
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 jobs. It
also
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 could be beneficial in
private
Correct article usage
a private
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 lifestyle to live easier.

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Introduction Improvement
Ensure your essay begins with a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the topic. The introduction could be strengthened by directly addressing the essay prompt (agree/disagree) and giving a brief overview of the points that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
In terms of task response, focus more explicitly on discussing both views presented in the prompt - the importance of lifelong learning due to technological advances, and any potential counterarguments or differing views. Make sure your own opinion is clear and substantiated.
Coherence Improvement
To enhance coherence, create more logical transitions between paragraphs. Use phrases like 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast' to clarify how your ideas connect and to guide the reader through your argument.
Paragraph Structure
Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Ensure that this main idea is clearly stated in the first sentence of the paragraph, and that the sentences that follow support this main idea with examples or further explanation.
Support and Examples
Provide more specific, relevant examples to support your points. Detailed examples add credibility to your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Try to relate these examples closely to the prompt and the specific points you are making.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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