Some people think that success in life comes trom hard work and determination, while others think hot there are more infortant factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Many opinions may say that beauty and property will lead to a successful life.
However
, it is the writer's view point
that Correct your spelling
viewpoint
hardworking
and determination are the initial factors of Correct word choice
hard work
success
.
It should be considered that industrious
and effort have a profound impact on one's Replace the word
industriousness
success
. This
is a long road to go, so tolerance or hardworking
is needed in everyone's Correct word choice
hard work
characteristic
. By being tolerated, Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
people
can develop sense
of Add an article
a sense
studious
during their work and Replace the word
studiousness
also
improve their aim for career
. Add an article
a career
the career
As a result
, those character
will help them to strengthen Replace the word
characteristics
the
determination to Change the word
their
suceed
and Correct your spelling
succeed
also
training
for their own qualities. Taking a Wrong verb form
train
Vienamese
Correct your spelling
Vietnamese
business man
as an example, Correct your spelling
businessman
although
he had only a little money
, he found his own cafe brand and developed it into a
international brand Change the article
an
by
his ambition and effort.
It is true when the toehold of Change preposition
through
almost
successful life is the capital and a good Add an article
an almost
appearance
. Money
can assist people
a lot in solving and develop
their careers, especially young Wrong verb form
developing
people
who are new founders. Moreover
, appearance
can help people
to have better
experience in meeting with counterparties or Correct article usage
a better
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
money
for their startup. For example
, to be successful in entertainment jobs, such
as actors or singers, require
a friendly Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
appearance
and properties.
From the writer's point of view, studious is much more pactical
than the Correct your spelling
practical
appearance
although
both aspects have positive effects to
our Change preposition
on
success
. However
, beauty and money
are not long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
selection
for their career Fix the agreement mistake
selections
while
having attempt
can Correct article usage
an attempt
strenghthen
the Correct your spelling
strengthen
aimbition
slowly. Correct your spelling
ambition
Furthermore
, this
character can help people
to gian
experience in their work that can Correct your spelling
gain
also
provide them in others
fields.
In conclusion, indeed working hard can secure a bright future for most of us as an ordinary, but there are some other factors that could Correct quantifier usage
other
also
lead to success
such
as great fortune and mesmerizing
Correct article usage
a mesmerizing
appearance
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Task Achievement
Develop a balanced discussion by dedicating equal attention and depth to both viewpoints before expressing your opinion. This ensures that both sides are thoroughly explored, contributing to a more complete response.
Task Achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the essay prompt. This sets a focused direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences that introduce each paragraph’s main idea. This will enhance the clarity and progression of your argument.
General Advice
Proofread your essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Consistent accuracy in language use will strengthen the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing specific examples before stating your opinion. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay, develop each body paragraph around a single main idea and support this idea with detailed examples or evidence. This will enhance your argument's clarity and persuasiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example