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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, between 2000 and 2010. Summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, between 2000 and 2010. Summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph depicts information about the annual revenues of three bakeries between 2000 and 2010. In general, Amandine
Bakery
Use synonyms
 and Bolo Cakery had an upward trend
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time, starting from their lowest amount and reaching their highest point in 2010.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, Mari Bakeshop highlighted a gradual decrease until its minimal value in 2010. In detail, Mari Bakeshop began from roughly 80000
dollars
Use synonyms
 per year, followed by
fluctuactions
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
 until 2004 when the incomes decreased steadily.
Besides
Linking Words
, in 2007,
this
Linking Words
bakery
Use synonyms
 had a recovery showing earnings of 60000
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 its values fell a second time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Amandine
Bakery
Use synonyms
 remained
constast
Correct your spelling
constant
contrast
 with earnings of just below 60000
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, Bolo Cakery was the
bakery
Use synonyms
 that started with the lowest income estimated
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20000
dollars
Use synonyms
, followed by some variations between 2001 and 2003.
Then
Linking Words
, its values were stable until 2006, and indeed, revenues reached values of just above 60000
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bakery, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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