Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make family close?

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In
this
current
time
, family
members
are moving away from each other compared to the past. In my perspective, there are some factors for
this
phenomenon, and I will discuss some solutions below.
To begin
with, the distraction of family
members
is caused by electronic devices, especially mobile phones or laptops.
Due to
the development of social media and games,
people
tend to communicate through apps
such
as Instagram, Facebook,...
For instance
, during
COVID 19
Add a hyphen
COVID-19
show examples
, communication
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
restricted because of the quarantines, so activities like studying and working were completely performed with Zooms or Teams.
Furthermore
, we are now facing a hectic life. Heavy workload makes
people
work additional hours, so the
time
for family is limited. To illustrate, in some countries, young
people
choose to do multiple jobs on weekends and work until midnight, so they do not even have dinner with family.
As a result
, these factors cause the loss of connection between family
members
and make them separate from each other
However
, there are potential ways to improve
family’s
Change noun form
family
show examples
interaction.
Firstly
, families should set regulations for using electronic devices during certain periods. Some families in the USA apply a no-phone policy in their meals to prevent family
members
from attaching screens
instead
of interacting with each other.
Moreover
,
people
should
also
spend their leisure
time
with other
members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the family. The reason for
this
solution is to connect the generations together.
For instance
, families in Vietnam choose special holidays during which
people
can be off from work,
such
as Lunar New Year or Independence Day. On these occasions, all
members
have the chance to stay together and bond through some activities like playing board games or watching movies, which can connect them closer and closer.
Consequently
, these ways help to encourage communication between generations in the family. In conclusion,
although
hectic life
dominate
Correct subject-verb agreement
dominates
show examples
us not to stay close to our parents and siblings, the problems can be solved by using up the
time
together.
Submitted by khaihuyen68 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clear and distinct. Each should serve a purpose, with the introduction presenting the topic and your stance, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions in depth, and a conclusion summarizing your arguments and reaffirming your position.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with appropriate transitional phrases. This enhances readability and helps maintain a coherent argument throughout.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you offer some examples, further elaboration can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
complete response
To fully meet the task requirements, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your essay touches on the causes and solutions, but expanding on each point with more detail and analysis will make your response more complete.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to make them more comprehensive. While you present arguments and solutions, further detailing the how and why behind your points can enhance their clarity and impact.
relevant specific examples
Continue using relevant examples to support your arguments as they add credibility and depth to your essay. Consider incorporating varied and detailed instances to further enrich your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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