Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused bu this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

I believe that completing of
bachelor
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bachelor's
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course in Australia would be a wonderful opportunity for me to enhance my personal development skills and gain knowledge, especially in specialized
area
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areas
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such
as the healthcare field.
This
will help me to learn the specific skills which will be useful in
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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situations.
In addition
, with
Correct article usage
an Australia
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Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
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degree for sure be able to provide more job opportunities and a better life for my family and me through a higher salary when me and my husband return to my home country, Malaysia.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Introduction/Organization
Your introduction clearly states your desire to complete a bachelor's course in Australia and the reasons behind it. However, to improve the logical structure, try to divide the text into separate paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect, such as personal development, specialized skills, and job opportunities.
Supporting Points/Development
You mention the advantages of studying in Australia quite well, but ensure that each point is well supported with relevant examples or further explanation. For instance, explain how studying in the healthcare field in Australia offers specific benefits compared to other countries.
Task Response/Content
Make sure your essay provides a balanced discussion by considering potential drawbacks or addressing counterarguments. This will strengthen your task response and make your essay more comprehensive.
Central Idea
You have a clear central idea for your essay, and your enthusiasm for studying in Australia is evident.
Language Use/Connections
Your language use is generally clear, and the connection between studying in Australia and potential job opportunities is well made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Youth migration
  • Demographic composition
  • Sustain
  • Local economies
  • Innovation
  • Agricultural production
  • Labor-intensive
  • Essential services
  • Unsustainable
  • Quality of life
  • Exacerbate
  • Urban congestion
  • Housing shortages
  • Rural infrastructure
  • Investing
  • Industries
  • Generate
  • Job opportunities
  • Enticing
  • Education and training programs
  • Skills
  • Economy
  • Viable
  • Community-driven
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Incentives
  • Startups
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