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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

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The essential element in pupils’ well-being is the rate of satisfaction at their workplace because adults spend most of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 working.
However
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, these days many workers are dissatisfied with their jobs because of an imbalance between the amount of paycheck and the responsibility.
Firstly
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, salary is one factor which affects the
employees
Use synonyms
’ satisfaction because the paycheck is one reason
when
Correct word choice
why
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 someone applies for job opportunities.
This
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 is happening because they want to get a reasonable wage compared to their responsibilities.
For instance
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, workers who get paid under the average amount of salaries in their roles will feel dissatisfied because they are dedicating their effort to the company but they get less than what they deserve. Work environment is another factor when someone considers a job position.
Thus
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, working in a collaborative environment enables
employees
Use synonyms
 to have better motivation to achieve their targets. Specifically, when
employees
Use synonyms
 face difficulties, their coworkers should help them. Some employers are unable to provide factors that contribute to well-being because they offer high-salary positions with excessive workloads.
This
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 is because some companies demand their
employees
Use synonyms
 to work overnight to finish their tasks.
Due to
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 overworking
this
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 will not affect just the
mental-health
Correct your spelling
mental health
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 of
employees
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 but
also
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 their
physical-health
Correct your spelling
physical health
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.
For example
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, in the biggest financial cities, accountants work until late at night to finish the financial report. Even when they already come home they should stand by if their supervisor calls them to check their reports. In conclusion, the profound components of workers’ well-being are a competitive salary and a collaborative environment.
However
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, high-paying jobs usually come with huge workloads that may lower their job satisfaction.

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task achievement
To improve further, you could provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments. This would enhance the completeness of your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with better transitional phrases. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas, which helps to maintain coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a closing thought, which contributes to a well-rounded essay.
task achievement
The writer has addressed the task prompt effectively by discussing relevant factors contributing to job satisfaction and the realistic expectation of job satisfaction for all workers.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • wellbeing
  • contribute
  • meaningful work
  • work-life balance
  • career progression
  • workplace environment
  • recognition
  • constructive feedback
  • compensation
  • benefits
  • job security
  • autonomy
  • skills match
  • interests match
  • variety
  • challenge
  • economic conditions
  • labor market
  • individual expectations
  • job role
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