In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, earning and spending
money
are common topics of conversation between individuals in many countries. There are many factors to Use synonyms
this
trend in society. I believe that Linking Words
this
case has both benefits and drawbacks aspects.
Linking Words
To begin
with, one of the main reasons Linking Words
money
become a hot topic Use synonyms
because
of technological advancement. Add a missing verb
is because
People
can easily access information on the internet Use synonyms
such
as social Linking Words
media
to keep in touch with their friends or family. Use synonyms
For instance
, there are Linking Words
people
who show off their daily activities to their friends on social Use synonyms
media
and it leads to comparing individuals with other Use synonyms
people
who earn and spend more Use synonyms
money
based on their activity on social Use synonyms
media
. Use synonyms
Moreover
, it Linking Words
becomes
normal situation for Wrong verb form
has become
people
to show and compare their income and expenses on social Use synonyms
media
, Use synonyms
while
in the past Linking Words
people
rarely talked about Use synonyms
money
in society.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I believe Linking Words
this
trend has advantages and disadvantages for development in society. One of the positive sides is many Linking Words
people
will be motivated to push themselves to earn more Use synonyms
money
and Use synonyms
also
reach the same level of success. Linking Words
For example
, Linking Words
people
who have a low economic background will have the stimulation to increase their efforts to achieve success. Use synonyms
In contrast
, there are disadvantages to Linking Words
this
case because leads Linking Words
people
to become stressed and Use synonyms
low
self-esteem by comparing earning and purchasing Add a missing verb
have low
money
with other Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
For instance
, my friend has low self-esteem because she always compares her economy with Linking Words
people
on social Use synonyms
media
by items that Use synonyms
people
purchase.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
people
commonly talk about earning and spending Use synonyms
money
caused by Use synonyms
rapid
of technology. Correct article usage
the rapid
This
case leads Linking Words
benefit
to Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
people
to increase their motivation to have more income and become a successful person, Use synonyms
while
it leads drawback for some individuals become stressed and low self-esteem caused by comparing their economy with Linking Words
people
on social Use synonyms
media
.Use synonyms
Submitted by writingieltsband9 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
To improve the task response, ensure you address all parts of the prompt equally. While you've delved into why money has become a common topic, further exploration into the positive and negative impacts would enhance your essay. Consider dedicating equal portions of your body paragraphs to discussing both sides of the development, and directly tying them back to the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, focus on the logical flow between your ideas. Your essay benefits from a structured approach, but transitions between paragraphs and sentences could be smoother. Using a wider range of linking phrases and ensuring each paragraph sticks to one main idea would improve readability.
Task Achievement
Try to integrate more specific, real-life examples to strengthen your arguments. While you mentioned a general scenario involving social media, providing more concrete examples or statistics would make your points more persuasive and relevant. This helps in achieving a higher score by showing a deeper understanding of the topic.