IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages

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In recent years, It has become far more normal for lots of
countries
Use synonyms
 to show longer life expectancy than in the past.
While
Linking Words
 there may
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 some benefits for current society ,
this
Linking Words
 can contribute to having exact problems for the governments, I think. On the one hand, having lots of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in our community
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
has
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wish to learn
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 history is maybe useful. It might be important to prevent the community from the loss of imagination about Marvels in history, whose heroism still provokes
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to be the leader of their society. Another one is to maintain customs
pass
Wrong verb form
passed
show examples
 from the past until now
as a result
Linking Words
 of
saying
Verb problem
apply
show examples
historical events. There are unchanged traditions
such
Linking Words
 as being respectful to ancestors
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where old
people
Use synonyms
 live more.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of the arguments above,
this
Linking Words
 hard situation brings several problems to the
government
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, living
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
longer has a detrimental contribution to the rate of unemployment in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
, which comes at the
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
 of increasing the expenditure of these provisions. Some
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 now are,
for example
Linking Words
, experiencing that the proportion of individuals who have lost their
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to work
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increase compared to having babies. They are facing precise
difficulty
Fix the agreement mistake
difficulties
show examples
 related to the lack of
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the second issue is to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 given money that the
government
Use synonyms
 can invest in other more useful sectors
such
Linking Words
 as education and
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
 to develop the intelligence and safety of
countries
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 in retirement. It is evident that dividing investment into
this
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 category comes at a huge cost to
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
. As an outcome,
this
Linking Words
 condition can
compose
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 not to focus on other
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
primary fields anymore. These two examples can easily explain why
this
Linking Words
 case has many
dismerits
Correct your spelling
demerits
 more than merits. In conclusion,
ageing
Add an article
the ageing
show examples
 population seems to have some important sides
such
Linking Words
 as being aware of historical
characters
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 and protecting from losing customs for our generation, rising unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 degree and having
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
 can be underpinned as unresolved issues to the
government
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, ensure that you directly address the essay question in a clear and comprehensive manner. Develop your arguments with more precise and detailed examples, clearly distinguishing the advantages and disadvantages in relation to the ageing population.
Coherence & Cohesion
For enhanced Coherence and Cohesion, focus on organizing your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use topic sentences to start each paragraph, signaling the main idea, and ensure the logical flow of ideas by using a variety of transition words effectively.
General
Work on supporting your main points with stronger evidence and examples. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive. Aim to present a balanced view by exploring both sides of the argument in equal depth.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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