IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways. What is your opinion?

#people #success #measure #intelligence
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The issue of intelligence measurement has sparked a heated debate among many. It is widely argued that
success
 is the best indicator
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 brilliance, but
this
 notion is not without its critics. I
am firmly believe
Change the verb form
firmly believe
show examples
 that the term
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success
 can not fit for
decribing
Correct your spelling
describing
 any conclusions about intelligence
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of reasons.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that people put
Correct article usage
a tremendeous
show examples
tremendeous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 amount of definitions in
word
Correct article usage
the word
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 "
success
".
While
 some think that to be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 means to be rich, their opponent
assume
Change the verb form
assumes
show examples
 that personal happiness plays more. As for me, because there are no boundaries of meaning
"
Change preposition
of "success"
show examples
success
", we are not able to make
conclucions
Correct your spelling
conclusions
.
Secondly
, it is important
co
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 consider that there is
such
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
show examples
 as survivor bias. Even if we know well about famous people who reached worldwide recognized
success
due to
 their brilliance, we know nothing about people with the same intelligence, but who stayed hidden.
Good
Add an article
A good
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 example here is women in science who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 worked in the past. Back
then
, women
should need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 to be
hide
Wrong verb form
hidden
show examples
 and they could not afford to demonstrate themself because they did not have
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 to work officially. It can lead to the false belief that the successes in a group have some special property, rather than just coincidence as in correlation "proves" causality.
Overall
, despite the fact that we can see possible and potential
correlation
Fix the agreement mistake
correlations
show examples
with
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between
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success
 and brilliance, it is not working always. We need
so
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 stay logically corrected with
realization
Add an article
the realization
show examples
 that it could be only
contatenation
Correct your spelling
concatenation
.
Submitted by juliashipovskaja on

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coherence cohesion
To better structure your essay, introduce clearly defined paragraphs that each address a distinct aspect of your argument. Use topic sentences to start each paragraph, making your main points clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction and conclusion that states your position on the topic. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your viewpoint in a compelling way.
task achievement
Develop and support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and makes it more convincing to the reader. Aim for a mix of personal examples and broader observations relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your essay’s overall structure. Organize your ideas logically, progressing from one to the next in a manner that is easy for the reader to follow. Use transitional words and phrases to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall quality and readability of your essay. Accurate language use demonstrates your proficiency and helps convey your ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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